PUSH Press

Where have I been for months? Working. Between "Gene Simmons Family Jewels," 10 others shows I have in production plus all of me and Marc's scripted stuff I haven't had a chance to breathe.

Here I am pushing PUSH...

Bruce

Great "PUSH" Review

The Review Are Starting To Trickle In...

Push #1
Push #1 (Wildstorm/DC Comics)
Jump from the Read Pile. Note: this is not the cover that was available at retail. Much like Larry Hama did with "Spooks Omega Team," WIldstorm wunderkinds Adam Freeman and Marc Bernardin showcase some team dynamics between professionals, all of whom exhibit mental powers. Telekinesis, mental suggestion, precognizance, even taking latent impressions from inanimate objects. In a relatively small amount of space, they're all given some chance to shine. All of which brilliantly sets up the twist at the end, and this is an interesting start to a new project, and yet another home run for Bernardin and Freeman, who are surely showing up as some of the most interesting new voices in comics.

Rockin' Out

Funny.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

So that's how she did it...

My Own Personal Thrill

My parents have given me a lot of great things:

- A happy childhood
- Good memories
- A good education

But for however much I love them, with all due respect, they didn't exactly fill the gene pool all the way to the top. I am bald, need glasses, short, and have a genetic predisposition to being "stocky." Don't get me wrong, I would rather have these shortcomings than grow up in a house of divorce, poverty or abuse but that isn't always the first thing that goes through my (bald) head when I look in the mirror each morning.

So with that said, I take great comfort in the shortcomings of others. Namely celebs. Nothing gives me a bigger thrill than seeing a celeb in person and learning they are shorter than me. Score one for the underdog.

I measure in at a solid 5'7 1/2". Women always say men add 1" to their height when asked. Not me, that is an accurate measurement.

I am proud to present a list of celebrities I have personally met and can therefor verify that they are the same height or shorter than me:

- Arnold Schwartzeneggar. I saw him in Malibu this weekend. We stood 1 foot from each other. Same height even though every stat on the internet says he is 6'1". Nope. Maybe 5'8" tops.

- Sylvester Stallone. Same height. Maybe a 1/2" shorter.

- Tom Cruise. Shorter! 5'6" maybe?

- Bono. Shorter! 5'6".

- Dakota Fanning. 4'10". I could totally kick her ass.

- William Shatner. Same height.

- Flava Flav. Boyee!

- Mel Gibson. Same height. Suck it Mad Max.

- Matt Damon. Maybe an inch taller.

- Brad Pitt. Same. Maybe an inch taller.


I realize the above exercise is completely pointless, but if you can knock others down to build you up, what fun is it?

Coming November 12th

Clever.

A clever commercial for Diesel that my friend Tim sent me.

He Never Actually Says Anything...

The super talented Fred Armisen...

Patton Oswalt Will Kill George Lucas With A Shovel

We Won!!!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

TOP COW ANNOUNCES WINNERS OF 2008 PILOT SEASON
2008 PILOT SEASON WINNERS

Fans vote for TWILIGHT GUARDIAN and GENIUS to get their own series
LOS ANGELES, Calif., September 18, 2008 – Top Cow Productions, Inc. announced today that the winners of the 2008 Pilot Season campaign are Twilight Guardian by writer Troy Hickman and artist Reza and Genius by writers Marc Bernardin and Adam Freeman and artist Afua Richardson.

For over a month, fans went to the Top Cow website, the Pilot Season website or other sites once per day, every day, to vote for their favorite 2008 Pilot Season one-shots. Pilot Season is an annual initiative Top Cow began in 2007 that borrows its concept from the television industry: Six “pilots” are submitted for consideration to be “picked up for a season,” except instead of TV executives deciding their fates, it’s the fans! 2007’s top two vote getters, Cyblade and Velocity, will debut with new series later this year. 2008’s winners will debut with new series in 2009.

Twilight Guardian and Genius beat out Urban Myths by Jay Faerber and Jorge Molina, The Core by Jonathan Hickman and Kenneth Rocafort, Alibi by Joshua Hale Fialkov and Jeremy Haun and Lady Pendragon by Matt Hawkins and Eru.

Twilight Guardian is about an average woman with a particular kind of OCD that drives her to patrol a nine-block area in her neighborhood every night, and about the other “night people” and situations she encounters because of it. Genius asks the question, “Alexander, Hannibal, Napoleon, Patton. What if the greatest military mind of OUR generation was a 17-year-old girl who grew up on the tough streets of an urban war zone?” Both books resonated with a majority of the voters and their creators are ecstatic, excited and even surprised.

“Holey crullers! I really don’t know WHAT to say,” said Troy Hickman. “I feel like I did once at a convention years ago when I somehow wound up on an elevator with Mr. Curt Swan, and I remember thinking, ‘Something’s gone terribly wrong. They’ve accidentally let me on the IMPORTANT elevator!’ The creative teams on the other Pilot Season comics are just terrific, some of the most talented people working in this, or any, medium, and I feel so proud to even be included in this competition. And big congrats to Genius for winning the other spot!”

“I’m shocked, really,” said Adam Freeman. “Genius is not a traditional comic and I suppose that is one of its greatest assets as well as its biggest obstacle. We weren’t sure how readers would react but we knew it was a story we were passionate about. Kudos to Top Cow for being the only publisher willing to take that risk with us. Someone wiser than me once said, ‘Never underestimate your audience’ and, truth be told, we did a little on this one. We didn’t think people would ‘get it’ but apparently they did.”

“Hell, I’m just thrilled to have won something,” added Marc Bernardin. “Seriously though, it’s like Adam said: We knew Genius was an uphill battle, but every now and then, those uphill battles get WON.”

“I blew my voice squealing like a happy pig for a half hour and came up with at least five victory dances,” exclaimed Afua Richardson when she found out Genius was one of the winning titles. “I feel like I won one for all the oddballs out there—all the artists left of center, for the chicks who fight stigmas in comics, all of them!”

Now that the winners have been declared, the creative teams will work with Top Cow’s editorial department to start planning out their series, which will debut in 2009.

“Issue #1 of Genius sparked a few pretty heated debates in some circles but that was only the first act to a much larger story,” explained Freeman. “There is a lot more to tell. I am very curious how the future issues will be received because, trust me, this book is not going where you think it is.

“We’re going to dip a bit into Destiny’s back-story and the forces that combined to make her the woman she is today,” teased Bernardin. “And we’re going to show just how bloody revolution can be.”

“I look forward to a) seeing what happens next; b) getting the chance to work with Marc and Adam again; and c) really getting a chance to show my stuff,” asserted Richardson. “I just really want put my best foot forward on this.”

“Well, now comes the fun part: making comic books,” conveyed Hickman. “Let’s see if we can take Twilight Guardian where comics haven’t gone before. I don’t want to give anything away, but I promise you there will be comedy, and drama, and plenty of the unexpected. Maybe she’s a Skrull…”

“Everyone here at Top Cow wants to wish a hearty congratulations to the teams on Twilight Guardian and Genius for a hard-won victory in this year's Pilot Season,” proclaimed Top Cow Publisher Filip Sablik. “It was an incredibly close race across the board and these two teams campaigned hard for the fans' votes. The fans have spoken and we've already got the wheels in motion to give them more of what they want!”

Why?

My youngest daughter Sadie has taken to asking, "why?" after ever statement.

"You need to go to bed."
"Why?"
"Because it's nightime."
"Why?"

I could go on, but Louis CK said it much better. The whole clip is hilarious, but the bit relevant to my situation starts around 7:44.

My Little Cheerleader

My Sister Sent Me This And I Thought It Was Kinda Funny

R.I.P. Pink Floyd's Richard Wright

I guess he's gone on to the "Great Gig In The Sky."

We've All Had Shitty Roommates

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Who's In?

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die

A Classic, But Still Funny

Run Forrest, Run!

Each morning I drive through Topanga Canyon to the Pacific Coast Highway to get to work. For the uninitiated, Topanga is a winding road cutting through the Santa Monica Mountains. At the top is a little community still trapped in the 60's. Quaint (read: small) cabins and houses, arts & crafts shops, some theater troupes etc. Not my thing, but the residents love it so power to 'em.

Each morning as I come down the last stretch of the canyon I can see the Pacific Ocean waiting for me. Also waiting for me is this guy:


Every morning I see a man looking just like Forrest here, running. A dirty, filthy man...just...running. He is wearing jeans, one of those Grateful Dead style hoodie things and sandals. Don't know where he is running to or where from. He is always emerging from the canyon forrest like Big Foot or something.

If I had an ounce more humanity I would stop and ask what's up.

A Message From "Arkansas Take Action"

Brent Peterson from "Arkansas Take Action" wrote in response to yesterday's post regarding the West Memphis Three:

"Thanks for bringing light to this important cause. The new hearings may begin Monday, September 8. We don't know yet because the same freak judge from the '94 trials will preside again. He likes to throw his weight around in an attempt to keep the defense off guard until the last second. Actually Arkansas supporters hope he rules to not allow any new evidence heard so we can move to federal court in Little Rock sooner where we'll get a fair shake. The crew at www.wm3.org can be expected to keep daily updates posted if the hearings go forward. You can go to our site to make tax free donations for the defense fund: www.freewestmemphis3.org. Thanks again!"

Worthy Cause

I am not much for causes. I have a few personal ones I champion but I am not exactly the flag waiving/soapbox type of a person.

But there is one cause that I have been following for well over 10 years and I think it deserves your attention.

In 1993, three young boys were brutally murdered in the Robin Hood Hills area of West Memphis, Arkansas.

Shortly after, three West Memphis teenagers were tried and convicted for these crimes: Damien Echols (death), Jason Baldwin (life) and Jesse Misskelley (life) despite entirely circumstantial evidence and a coerced confession from Misskelley.

- No DNA.
- No blood of the defendants found at the scene.
- No blood of the victims found anywhere near or on the defendants.
- No eye witnesses.
- The murder weapon matched that of a knife belonging to one of the boy's stepfathers and it DID have his stepson's blood on it.
- All the defendants had alibis.
- A blood covered homeless man was seen at a nearby Bojangles restaurant at the exact time of death.

And the confession? Questioned for over 8 hours, Misskelley - who is borderline retarded, was only recorded at the tail end of his confession. Many "facts" he gave were incorrect such as time of day, the way the victims were bound and with what materials (he said rope when it was in fact it was their shoelaces) etc. His confession shows classic signs of a boy with limited intelligence intimidated over several hours to the point where he would say anything to get out of that room.

How can this happen? In a small, backwoods, God fearing town of dare I say, rednecks, Damien, Jason and Jesse were the "freaks." They wore black. They listened to Metallica. They had long hair. They weren't like the others. When the bodies were found someone said, "It looks like a Satanic ritual." Well if it is (never proven) than it must be those "Satan worshipping bastards" that listen to Metallica and wear black.

The list of injustices goes on and on and has been documented in two excellent films:





You can also read the Wikipedia article that functions as user friendly "Cliff's Notes" version of the events.

Since 1993, these boys (now men) have been rotting away in jail. Are they asking to be set free? No. They are asking for a retrial using today's science to over turn their convictions. In addition to my mini-list above their have been sworn statements made in regards to jury tampering and a thousand other mistrial worthy offenses. Before her death, one of the slain boy's mothers even admitted she didn't think they did it.

This case scares the shit out of me. Why? Well, for one I was one of those "freaks." I caught enough shit and beatings in suburban Long Island. I cannot imagine what my life would have been like in rural Arkansas. I wore black and listened to Metallica and all sorts of "devil music." I read Anton LeFey's "Satanic Bible" because I loved horror films and thought it made me "deep." Pseudo-deep and pretentious - yes. A killer? No.

It also scares me because I am still naive enough to think, "They can't put you away for a crime you didn't commit! How can they prove you did it?" Well, apparently they don't need to prove it.

The teen aged Damien, Jesse and Jason are far from perfect. Damien especially is arrogant and narcissistic. Mainly because, like so many youth do, he thought he was invincible and shared my naivete, believing he could never be put away for something he didn't do. That's not how America works.

Regardless of your opinion and my rantings I strongly suggest you buy or rent these two films (the second one is the better one, I feel, because it really outlines all of the absurdity). You can also find clips on YouTube. If nothing else you will be completely enthralled. It is like the very best Dateline or 20/20 piece but on crack.

You can also check out their website here.

They have been in jail for over 5,500 days. You can spare an hour of your time.

"East Bound and Down"

R.I.P. Snowman

Big Brother Is Upon Us

I have seen the face of Orwell's "Big Brother"...and its name is Google.

I was screwing around in Google Maps and typed my parent's address. What came up? Directions?


No, a fully 3D environment with a 360 degree view of the address. I could pan around, click on the arrows and move down the street - where ever I wanted to go.

Very handy. Very dangerous.

Try it. Any street on their map outlined in blue has been scanned into their database.

Grover Got The Shaft.

A funny article I found. Click to enlarge or go to the original post here.

I Can Sleep Anywhere. And Often Do.

Better Than A Free Cup of Coffee

Escalating gas prices have been the topic of conversation for close to a year now. Here in LA gas approached almost $5.00 a gallon.

To entice people back to the pump some stations have been offering little perks: a free cup of coffee or maybe a free car wash.

Yesterday I was offered a blow job.

I was filling up my tank in Beverly Hills at a very surprising $3.67 a gallon when a car pulled up to the adjacent pump. It was a filthy one year old BMW convertible that has obviously not been kept in good shape. Behind the wheel was an attractive girl/woman. I am going to guess she was 25-28 years old. Think Latina accent. This was the conversation:

HER: "Hello? Do you live around here?"
ME: "No. Sorry. Are you lost?"
HER: "Well, where do live? How far?"
ME: "I live in the valley. Why?"
HER: "Well, I need a huge favor."
ME: "You do?"
HER: "Yeah, I need gas."
ME: "Sorry, I can't help you."
HER: "Are you sure?"

Here is where I noticed her staring at my crotch and licking her lips. She then smiled at me.

HER: "I really need a favor. I need gas. I can give you a favor..."
ME: "Ummm...."
HER: (laughs) "I really, really need some gas. Please?"

She then licked her lips again and smiled, attempting to be seductive.

HER: "Are you sure you don't live close by?"
ME: (sound of my car driving off)

I should have noticed her little meth twitch and teeth grinding from all the episodes of "Intervention" I have TiVoed.

So that was my day. You?

Don't Say I Never Gave You Nothin'

For a limited time you can read all of "Genius" online for free @ newsarama.com.

Check it out... HERE.

Genius Voting

I want to thank everyone who I have besieged with e-mails and alerts pleading you to vote for me and Marc's new comic book "Genius," which is competing in Top Cow's Pilot Season.

For those of you who have voted, thank you. And for those who have been asking, "How's it doing?" My answer is this:

"Not good enough. And better than I thought."

???

Let me explain.

Marc and I knew from the moment we thought of the concept that "Genius" would be a tough pill to swallow. Tough for publishers to get behind; tough for readers to grasp. The very first image is a horrible one - a police officer being shot.

And that's OK. Some projects you do for yourself. Some would say that Marc and I are too early into our comic careers to be so self indulgent so soon but the truth of the matter is - we are because we can.

We both have day jobs. Good day jobs. We are not doing comics for the money, although that would be nice. Because we are not fighting to feed our families and living off Ramen noodles we have the luxury to say, "no" to crap projects and be patient enough to find homes for ones we are passionate about.

I love my wife. I love my kids. As the executive producer of a TV show my time is valuable. If I am going to take on another career it better well be something I have a fucking blast doing. And it is. As long as Marc and I can continue to do stuff that we like - like "Genius" - we've won.

If you don't like "Genius" for the writing or the art that is your prerogative. But if you mistakenly think it is glorifying "cop killing" you are mistaken. Regardless of whether you think the lead character, Destiny, is evil or in the right, from a purely creative stand point her story has a right to be told.

For a much more eloquent explanation, check out Marc's blog entry here

Push #1

As I mentioned in the update below, Marc and I are writing a 6 issue "prequel" series to the upcoming film, "Push" starring Dakota Fanning, Chris Evans and Djimon Hounsou.

We continue our run of being paired with pretty incredible artists. Here is the cover wunderkind Jock has done for the 1st issue. Very cool stuff to come.

I am most probably about to go MIA for a while with way too many projects all kicking in at once. For those who care, here is an update:

COMIC BOOKS
- Genius is currently #3 on the Pilot Season voting polls. Please go to www.topcow.com everyday (and from multiple locations!) and vote so you can see this very original book become a monthly series.
- Just finished the script to Push #2 - a licensed book Marc and I are writing for DC/WildStorm based on the upcoming movie starring Dakota Fanning, Djimon Hounsou and Chris Evans. Four more scripts to go...
- We have two as of yet unannounced books with Top Cow in production. More on that when we are given the go ahead to spill the beans.
- We just saw the pencils for our reincarnation of the classic pulp character, "The Sphinx." Very cool. We'll let you know when that hits stands.

MOVIES:
- As reported, "Monster Attack Network" is in development at Disney with Kickstart Entertainment. I believe they are looking for an A-List director or screenwriter to get it going.
- "The Highwaymen" is is development at Warner Bros. with Depth of Field producing. They think they have a first rate screenwriter on board to begin the first draft.

REPRESENTATION:
- Although I will remain to be repped by Hayden Meyer at APA for my unscripted TV work, Marc and I have signed with Eric Reid at ICM for all of our scripted stuff.

GENE SIMMONS FAMILY JEWELS:
- We have just started shooting Season 4 (heavy sigh). The family is in rare form and I think this might be our best season yet.

KISS:
- I have produced and directed a tour documentary for KISS entitled, "KISSTERIA" that is in post production. More info on when and where you can see when I am given the go ahead.

MISC. TV:
- My partners of GSFJ, Leslie Greif and Adam Reed and I have sold a one hour special to MTV that is currently in pre-production. More on that soon but I can tell you it's full of car wrecks and explosions.
- Also with Leslie and Adam, we have lots of pilots in development or ready to be pitched.

On the personal front, Ella is currently playing soccer and cheerleading (not at the same time). She and Sadie just finished summer camp and are getting ready to start school next week. Ella will be in first grade and Sadie will start pre-school. My beautiful wife Krissy has suddenly become inundated with job offers. While she hasn't taken anything full time she has done some freelance days working with Pete Weintz on FNMTV, the cast of The Hills on their recent premiere special and she has just been confirmed to work on this year's MTV Video Music Awards. As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

So please, if I don't call or write that often over the next few months do not take it personally. I am just trying to keep my head above water.

Later!

Fake Presidents

Ya know when you are watching a movie in which a fictitious President is a character? "Armageddon," "Wag the Dog," "24" etc. You know how they don't always seem quite right? I think it is because, while you can believe other actors as the fictitious characters you have never met, you try to image electing that actor as your President and you just can't picture him/her in the role.

I feel the same way about John McCaine. To me, he feels like an actor playing the President in some 80's movie starring either Matthew Broderick or Marc Singer.









Can you tell the difference?

Odd Thing To Do With Your Time...but still cool.

Its Days Like This I Feel Like The Greatest Parent In The World

(click to enlarge this idiot)

You Think You Know Pain? THIS Guy Knows Pain...

Do you know what I find equally interesting? Notice how, the minute he hurts himself, a well rehearsed army of Chinese come out with barricades to block everyone's view. There was more man power spent on hiding the injury than helping the injury.

Olympic Censorship

What twisted fuck invented the uneven parallel bars?

Lighten Up People

I have written before about Hollywood caving to special interest groups . Well, I am glad to finally report of a case where they didn't.

Ben Stiller's new movie, "Tropic Thunder" opens this weekend. I highly recommend it. It was very funny in both a base and high brow kind of way. Do you know why I feel comfortable recommending it? Because I SAW IT. I wonder if any of the groups complaining can say the same.

Quick synopsis: A bunch of actors filming a Veit Nam war epic accidentally stumble into a real war, but think they are still filming the movie.

That description doesn't really do it justice. I wouldn't necessarily see the film based on that logline. Luckily the film is much more.

There is a potential controversial element to the film. Robert Downey Jr., playing seven time academy award winner "Kirk Lazarus" undergoes a skin darkening procedure to portray a black man in the "film" within the film. Yes. A white man in black face.


And you know what? No one has complained. Not yet, fingers crossed. "Kirk Lazarus" is an amazing parody of the current generation of actors that think they are all "method" and recreating Robert DeNiro's weight gain in "Raging Bull" by completely immersing themselves in a role. How ridiculous is it that Lazarus actually BECOMES BLACK to play a black man? Does anyone else see how insane and genius that piece of satire is? I hope so. Downey's role is also perfectly complimented by Brandon T. Jackson's character "Alpa Chino" (another great satire of both rappers turned actors and rappers' obsession with anything Scar Face related) who is constantly offended by "Lazarus" and calls him on all his misguided, racist bullshit.

Ironically, the NAACP is not the group complaining. It is the Special Olympics, the National Down Syndrome Congress, the American Association of People with Disabilities and about 18 more. Why? Simple Jack of course.


Ben Stiller plays "Tug Speedman," an over the top action hero not known for his acting skills ala Van Damme, Segal, Ahnold etc. In another brilliant piece of industry satire, Stiller's biggest flop was his attempt at a "serious" film, playing the lead character in the story of a retarded man, "Simple Jack."

Again, genius. There is a great line in "Bowfinger" when Eddie Murphy's movie star character says, "Don't you know they only give Oscars to people who play retards or slaves? Someone find me the role of a retarded slave!" Stiller's character thinks he can get acting cred by playing a mentally challenged man, badly.

There is an amazing exchange between Stiller's character, Speedman, and Downey's "credible actor" Lazarus. I am paraphrasing but you will get the jist...

Stiller: There were times when I was doing Jack when I actually felt retarded. Like really retarded.

Downey: Oh yeah. Damn.

Stiller: In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that it was okay to be stupid or dumb.

Downey: To be a moron.

Stiller: Yeah.

Downey: To be moronical.

Stiller: Exactly.

Downey: An imbecile.

Stiller: Yeah. When I was playing a character.

Downey: When you was a character.

Stiller: Yeah, I mean, as Jack. Definitely.

Downey: It’s like working with mercury. It’s how science makes art form.

Stiller: Yeah.

Downey: You an artist.

Stiller: It’s what we do, right?

Downey: Everybody knows you never do a full retard.

Stiller: What do you mean?

Downey: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, Rainman, look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Count toothpicks to your cards. Autistic. Sure. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump. Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and he won a ping-pong competition? That ain’t retarded. Sean Penn in that "I Am Sam?" No Oscar. He went full retard. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard.

I am sorry, but that's fucking funny.

Yes, "Script Girl" is hot. And hearing her say my name I believe she just got hotter.

The Geek High Priestess Likes It...

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

I ask very little of you, oh faithful blog reader.

Over 20,000 hits so I assume someone out there gets a kick out of this thing.

Well, now I need you to give back. No, I am not trying to sell you Amway. I am not trying you to transfer $10,000 to the personal account of some Zimbabwe King on behalf of his widow.

I need you to vote for me. And it couldn't be simpler.

Go to: topcow.com and you see a box that looks like this...



Click on "Genius." That's it.

Your vote will hopefully help me and Marc's latest comic book become Top Cow's newest ongoing monthly series.

Please vote once a day for the entire month of August. I really appreciate it.

Thank you!

All Over the Press

The little press you have seen on "Monster Attack Network" was purely based on me and Marc saying something at Comic-Con.

Apparently the "House of Mouse" has decided to announce it.

Solo Dad - Update

Diary entry: day three.

Wife still gone. Darkness surrounds me. How do you combat an enemy you don't understand? An enemy so relentless, so tireless.

The true test of man is one who can beat the fear. Own the fear. Time will tell if I am that man.

I fear this may be my last entry.

Mr. Mom

At this very moment, my wife is on a plane to New Jersey. She will be there till Sunday throwing a Baby Shower for her sister. (It is not a surprise so I didn't blow anything).

That means I will be home alone with the kids. Tonight, Friday, Saturday & Sunday.

Here is what I have planned so for:

- Each child will be strapped into their bed so they can't wake me up early by tapping on my forehead.
- If it isn't pre-cooked or in a box, it isn't for breakfast.
- Bathing is optional.
- First activity? Knife juggling.
- This will be the weekend I introduce the kids to all three Godfather films.
- I am going to order take out from every place that I never can because I get outvoted.
- Thanks to Robitussen, bedtime is now 4pm!

I will keep you updated as to my progress. If you see my wife, mums the word.

Comic-Con Panel

Read the transcript the AiT/Planet Lar panel I mentioned yesterday here.

The "Genius" Team

Marc, myself and artist Afua Richardson signing copies of our Top Cow comic, "Genius."

Comic-Con Recap

Well, we survived.

And that is no small feat at Comic-Con. What with all the Stormtroopers and Super Villains running around. It really is amazing to get into town on a Wednesday and watch the population quadruple by Saturday. Hundreds of thousands of people all with a common interest. All geek jokes aside, it is a pretty cool thing to witness and AWESOME people watching.

Marc and I always like to feel like we are moving forward, getting things done. As a result we end up putting tremendous pressure on ourselves at Comic-Con to walk away with something tangible. This year we accomplished so much in the week leading up to the convention that the pressure was kind of off.

- We met with Andrew and Marc from Depth of Field and talked about the development progress on "The Highwaymen" at Warner Bros.

- Had great pitch meetings at Fox, Fox Atomic, Valhalla and a few other places.

- Met with two agencies that want to represent us.

- Confirmed that our next book will be with Top Cow. More when they say we can announce it.

Our time at the convention was booked solid with "Genius" signings at the Top Cow booth, "Monster Attack Network" signings at the AiT/Planet Lar booth and more meetings with hopefully future publishers like Avatar and Oni.

We sat on a panel Larry from AiT organized called "So, You Want to Make A Graphic Novel." The room was packed with 250+ fans asking advice on anything from inspiration to the writing process to restraining orders. Hours before the panel we got the go ahead from Samantha at Kickstart Entertainment to mention the news we have been sitting on for a while - the House of Mouse (Disney) has optioned "Monster Attack Network" with an eye towards it being a big, summer blockbuster. Cross your fingers.

At the WildStorm panel they announced our other new book, "PUSH" based on the new film starring Dakota Fanning, Chris Evans and Djimon Hounsou.

The rest of the time was spent at networking (ie drinking) parties thrown by DC Comics, IDW/UTA, EW, Heidi at USA Today, WildStorm and more. I drank more this weekend than all of college. And didn't puke once. Cause I'm smart like that.

After buying some gifts for Ella and Sadie it was time to drop Marc at the airport and drive back to LA.

Now we are up to necks writing the "PUSH" scripts which WildStorm needs like...a week ago.

Add on top of all that prepping to shoot season four of "Gene Simmons Family Jewels" and things are just peachy on my end.

How's by you?

Heading to San Diego

After a quick lunch with all around good guy Andrew Miano from "Depth of Field," Marc and I will be heading to San Diego for Comic-Con.

If you are there, please look us up. Here is our schedule:

Today:
9p - DCU Online Press Party

Thurs.:
11a - Signing our new comic, "Genius" with artist Afua Richardson at the Top Cow Comics booth.
3:15p - Comic Writers/Artists Panel
6:30p - AiT Panel - the publisher of our graphic novel, "Monster Attack Network."
9p - bouncing between the Boom! Drink-Up and the Circle of Confusion/IDW Party

Fri.:
12p - Signing at the Top Cow booth
1:30p - Showrunners Panel
3:30p - Virgin Comics/Sci-Fi Recruitment Event
5p - Director's Panel
7p - Warner Animation Party
9p - bouncing between DC Comic Con Party and hopefully the Oni Press Party (Jenny?)

Sat.:
2p - Signing at the Top Cow booth
5p - PopCandy Meet Up
9p - EW / Sci-Fi Channel Party

Sun.:
12p - Signing at the Top Cow booth.

In other good news, it has just been announced that Marc and I will be writing the official licensed "prequel" comic to the new film "Push" starring Dakota Fanning, Chris Evans and Djimon Hounsou. Thanks to all the kind folks at WildStorm and Summit for liking our pitch and giving us the job!

We also have just agreed to do our next comic with Top Cow. We will follow their lead on announcing the title and press date.

Hope to see you in San Diego!

Bad Messages Are Not New

My 5 year old is a huge Hannah Montana fan. She (and therefor, I) have seen every episode hundreds of times.

Much has been made over the last few months of Myley Cyrus being a bad role model for young girls - her "sexy" pictures in Vanity Fair (although I think if you find a 15 year old looking like she stumbled out of the back of a rapist's van sexy you have your own set of problems...) and most recently some cell phone pictures someone took of her fully dressed in a shower backstage at some concert.


I don't disagree entirely, but I am not concerned when it comes to my daughter. She doesn't watch Extra, she doesn't read TMZ and she certainly doesn't have a subscription to Vanity Fair. As far as she is concerned, Hannah/Myley's entire world is inside our TV. She enjoys the show and until I think she is being influenced by Miley's life outside the TV I am not concerned.

I would be more concerned about her watching "Grease." That mainstay of our childhood that has since been replaced by "High School Musical." Why? Because the bad message is embeded INSIDE the movie.

Olivia Newton-John plays Sandy. A sweet, innocent girl who wears sweaters over her Mormon-like dress and pretty bows in her hair.


She meets Danny. A gang member who smokes, cuts class, tries to feel her up and fights with other boys. He captures her heart. He, being to cool for school, shuns her to look cool in front of his friends. And how does the story resolve itself? Does Danny reform his ways and realize what an amazing, moral girl she is? Does he stand up to his friends and tell them to fuck off? No. Instead Sandy completely changes her entire identity to please her man...


Is THAT a message we want to send to our daughters? If someone doesn't like you for who you are...well, just change into whomever they want you to be!

I am not standing on a soapbox and to be honest I am not even super passionate about the above argument. I bring it up just to point out to all the parents out there that think "media today has warped our kids minds" and how irresponsible teen stars are today - it aint' nothin' new.

Hope I Die Before I Get Old

I caught some of the VH-1 Rock Honors saluting the Who last night. It takes a lot to impress me (because I am a jaded, cynical fuck) but I thought Pearl Jam covering "The Real Me" was amazing. Jeff Ament, who I was always indifferent to as a bass player, sounded great. Check it out....



Try to ignore Eddie Vedder's beard but check out Mike McCready's best "ass shakin'" Pete Townsend impression. And drummer Matt Cameron is awesome as always.

Obsessed

Some people are obsessed with a certain celebrity or musician. Some with Star Trek or cats.

I am obsessed with shitty tattoos and bad toupees. Love 'em. Love people watching and spotting the crap tat or horrible rug on someone.

I guess shitty tattoos fascinate me because it shows such an incredible lack of judgement. They fall into three categories for me.




1. Horrible artwork. When you go into a tattoo parlor all the artists have books of their work. Did this guy look at this particualr artist's past portfolio and say, "That's the Michelangelo-like artiste that I want putting a permanent image on my body!"





2. Moderate to Ok artwork, but HORRIBLE subject matter. Is THAT what you are so passionate about that you have to have it on your body?





3. Jokes gone wrong. Sure, they seemed funny at the time...





Of course these categories can be combined into a whole color wheel of bad choices...





Fucking Angelina Jolie's kid?



I could go on forever. Then there are the bad toupees. Look, I am bald. If I could wish to have one thing back it would be my hair with "MacGuyver" as a close second. But to put a piece of carpet on my head? To me I would rather have people say, "he's bald" than "holy shit do you see that thing sitting up there?" Men who wear toupees say, "It makes me feel better." Does it make you feel better to know people are laughing hysterically as they pass you in the mall? Does it make you feel better that you earned a spot in this blog as a horrible toupee? Being bald, I also think of the practicalities. What are people going to say when I suddenly come to work tomorrow with a badger on my head? Isn't that going to cause more of a stir and bring negative attention my way? To me I would rather have someone say nothing than, "DOES HE THINK THAT LOOKS GOOD?"

Here are some more images for your viewing pleasure...

Way Back When...

An old classmate posted this picture on Facebook. How innocent we were...

Sending Best Wishes...

I think during my whole childhood I knew one other Adam.

Now, through the wonder of the internet, I know of about 5 or 6 "Adam Freemans." Google has these alerts you can set to be e-mailed whenever a specific phrase or name is used online. I get daily little alerts with any mention of "Gene Simmons Family Jewels" and any articles that mention me or Marc, or our comic projects.

So over the course of the last two years or so I feel I have come to know some of the other Adam Freemans out there.

- One is a host of England's version of the home shopping channel.
- One is an artist that specializes in wildlife paintings - this is the lucky bastard that beat me to registering adamfreeman.com.
- One is an author of computer programming text books which makes me look pretty damn smart if you search for me on Amazon.com. It considers us the same person so right next to a comic book featuring big, dumb monsters is a textbook on how to program in A++.
- One Adam Freeman actually owns a comic book shop about 45 minutes north of me. Even more coincidental, he spells his name Atom like I did in high school to piss my teachers and parents off. Unlike me, I grew out of it (sorry Atom!)

And today I discovered a new Adam Freeman. One who is a new dad, but is not having the same luck that I am. Adam and Aimee Freeman live in Charlotte, NC and have a newborn named Kayleigh. Apparently Kayleigh was born very premature. I believe she was 1 pound when she was born three weeks ago.

I got sent a link to their blog and thinking perhaps it was an interview with me or something I clicked on it. You know, for all my bitching, my New York Jewish paranoia and self loathing I DO realize I have it very lucky. I have a beautiful wife, two beautiful healthy girls and I get paid to hang out with KISS and write comic books. In the grand scheme of things, who am I to complain?

Anyway, in this odd moment of warmth that may never come again, I want to send my best to Adam, Aimee and little Kayleigh Freeman. Your positive attitude is really inspiring and makes me look even more like a dick.

(see, I did manage to bring back to being all about me in the end...)

Debbie Downer

Some people are naturally "peppy." They exude happiness. They are bubbly, "effervescent" - full of life.

I am not one of these people.

I envy them. I really do. I am jealous like I am jealous of retarded people. Everyone feels sorry for a retarded person except the retarded person. They are loving life. They have no idea. I have met a lot of retarded people over the years and I have NEVER seen a depressed retarded person. A matter of fact, I suspect half of these bubbly, effervescent people running around are mildly retarded.

Look, I am not a miserable person, I am not even an unhappy person, but I do find it hard to relax and enjoy myself. I can't remember the last time I had a moment of self realization and said, "Wow, I am having fun RIGHT NOW." If anything I am one big "flatline" and that worries me because that is how serial killers describe themselves. Then again, I don't think I would even enjoy being a serial killer. Too much work.

I over think everything. I cannot help it. I approach everything from a cynical place.

Which brings me to porn.

I am not a porn guy. You know why? Because the entire time I am seeing these women I am thinking:

- What horrible thing happened in their life to bring them to this point.
- Their parents must be so proud.
- Somewhere there is a dad whose buddy just walked up to him and said, "Hey Joe, I just saw a video of your daughter sucking off twenty guys."

Same thing with strippers. They gross me out. They all smell the same - either too much perfume or too much baby powder or something. I imagine myself in their head, their distaste for men. I always think of what must be going through their head:

- 3 more hours of cozying up to scummy, scumbag men and then I can get out of here.
- Like this guy could ever get me in real life.
- How the hell did I end up here?


If only I was a retarded stripper life would be perfect.

But Will It Be Enough?

As Marc and I learned with our first book, "The Highwaymen," strong reviews and good word of mouth doesn't always translate into sales. Despite being written by unknowns, and drawn by a relative unknown (but rising star), it got more attention than many industry insiders thought it would. It made many year end "Best Of" lists and sparked a small online debate about the state of the comic industry. Despite all of that it sold poorly and the sheer economics did not warrant the story continuing beyond the initial 5 issue limited series.

Our original graphic novel, "Monster Attack Network" was also met with strong reviews (with the exception of one very bitter person on Amazon) and strong word of mouth. I believe it has sold fairly well for Larry & Mimi over at AiT/Planet Lar, but it too is not setting any records.

After a bunch of anthology work Marc and I released our latest original work, "Genius" as part of Top Cow's Pilot Season 2008. As I have explained on this blog before, 6 one shots are released. Come August 1st the polls open at topcow.com and myspace.com\pilotseason and the two books with the most votes will become the next Top Cow ongoing series. The response to "Genius" has been overwhelmingly positive.

But will it be enough?

I am not one for mass e-mails. I never send junk mail (please forward to ten of your friends blah blah blah) but I am going to make an exception for "Genius." So, in the next month or so when you get a "please vote" e-mail or see an interview or ad on your favorite blog or website asking you to vote for "Genius" please take a moment.

Making a good product isn't enough. You have to shake hands and kiss babies too. Thanks for your support.

I Never Knew These Were The Words!!!

Happy 4th of July from the Muppets

Dork.

My neighbor's babysitter writes for the local paper and she must have been real desperate because she asked to interview me as an "interesting local person."  I think it's safe to say Britney Spears, P. Diddy, Brandy, Sean Astin, Lisa Rinna, Harry Hamlin, Brad Garrett, Howie Mandell, Stuttering John and the Kardashian's were all busy.

And to all you who have asked, "Why aren't you smiling?"  It's because that's my serious "tortured artist" face, ok?  I have been practicing in the mirror for just such an occasion.

Click here to go to the original link.

Be A Cult Member - Or Just Look Like One!

The Polygamists known as the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints had their plethora of children returned and they are celebrating by inviting everyone to take part in their fashion sense.

I personally think the "Little House on the Prairie" look is LONG overdue for a comeback.  Don't you?

Hard Working Soldiers Deserve Downtime

Leaked Hell Boy II Promo

A friend of mine just finished working on this promo and NO - he did not leak it.  Some how Harry "the great one" Knowles got a hold of it.

"The Fly: The Opera"

WHY?

Eddie, You Misunderstood...

Well, Eddie Murphy obviously read my post the other day, became despondent, and decided to throw in the towel.  Although I am flattered that my opinion means that much to Eddie I believe he misunderstood.

Eddie - I am excited to hear about your return to stand-up, but you don't have to give up on movies all together.  Let's sit down, talk, and get this thing back on track.

Call me.

How Did I Get Here?

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile,

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife,

And you may ask yourself - well, how did I get here?

-Talking Heads, "Once In A Lifetime"

Disgusting Day

First up, an open letter to all men.  I am focusing on the men because I hope to think women don't do this.

Hey men - in what world do you get a perverse thrill by not flushing the toilet in a public restroom?  For as long as I can remember (grade school?) men's bathroom's are disgusting.  I don't get it.  Is it supposed to be a joke on the next guy?  Exerting some dormant and wimpy rebellious side?  "I'll show them...I won't flush!"

Fucking grow up.

As if that little present in the Barnes & Noble restroom wasn't enough, I then went into the t-mobile store to ask a question and - no lie - the salesman THREW UP right in front of me.  I asked him a question, he mumbled something, and then literally PUKED right in front of me and my family.

I have had enough of strangers' bodily functions for one day, thank you.

Story Time...

For every story I tell on this site there are 50 I can't.  More accurately, won't - for a variety of reasons.  First and foremost, I don't want to be "that guy."  Secondly, I still work in the industry and don't want to burn any bridges...yet.

That said, I will share this next one because it's results have been all over the internet for a few years...but I was there.  I am not breaking a story, just telling it through my eyes.

Flashback to 1996.  Jewel has just put out her first record.  I have a mad crush on her.  Not an "Uma Thurman" stalker crush, a crush like all da ladies like McDreamy or whatever the fuck his name is.

I am low level producer on a shoot and Jewel is a guest.  My boss knows I think she is awesome so I am put in charge of her for the day.  She arrives and I take her and her A&R person to her trailer.  I ask her if she would like some water.  I reach into the RV's fridge and when I turn around...she is topless.

Now, this is not "making a move" topless.  She just got off a plane, wanted to change clothes and obviously - was not shy.  I was stunned.  I didn't know what to do.  I could tell the A&R woman couldn't believe she disrobed in front of me either.  I politely looked at the ground and excused myself.

I must have been beet red because my boss asked if everything was ok.  I didn't want to say anything because I guess I was afraid this would some how be twisted around and become my fault and I would be fired.  MTV's relationship with a platinum selling artist is much more valuable than me so it would have meant nothing to throw me under the bus.

My girlfriend (now my wife) was there working as well and eventually she or someone got it out of me.  I saw Jewel's boobies!  It was then immediately announced over the entire production's walkie talkies.  "Adam saw Jewels t*ts!"

Flash forward to 2002, maybe 2003?  I have been at MTV for 11 years and "Jewel's t*ts" has become one of those stories that the "old timers" laugh about.  I don't recall ever bringing it up myself, but whenever a Jewel song or video came on I would hear, "Hey Adam, remember the time..."

Well here I am running MTV's flagship show, TRL.  A trademark of the show was an old style photobooth we had backstage.  We would have all the guests sit in it and take photos for the studio wall and we also had a little lipstick camera in there so we could cut to it live.  "There's Britney Spears in the TRL photobooth.  She's up right after the break..."  Like this...

So on this particular day the guest is none other than Jewel.  We are in the control room and sure enough, "Hey Adam, remember the time..."  All the "youngsters" want to hear the story and I am coaxed into telling it.  Afterwards one of the old time executives says, "You know, I never said anything, but that story is bullshit.  She would never do that."

"If you say so," I reply.

"You're telling me that she got topless in front of you?  Why you?" he says.

"Well, I don't think it was personal. She just must be very...comfortable."

"Bullshit," he says again.

I have nothing to prove so I don't push the issue.  I didn't bring it up in the first place.

Suddenly, as if on cue, a crew member yells, "Holy crap!  Look at that!"  He is pointing to a little black and white screen in the corner of our control room's massive monitor wall.  It happens to be the screen that shows the camera in the photobooth.

There is Jewel and her rodeo star boyfriend taking some"personal" pictures.

"I told you she's not shy."

As we are watching with our mouths open we can actually see the moment when they notice there is a camera in the booth.  "Oh shit," we read on their lips.

:30 seconds later there is a knock on the control room door.  Jewel's A&R person (the same one from the RV all those years ago) would like to speak to me.  It is obvious that she knows what happened but she wants to find out how much I know, without tipping her hat in case I don't know.

HER:  "How's it going?"

ME:    "Good.  Really good.  She was great on the show."

HER:  "Yeah.  Hey, I was wondering - that photobooth, does it save copies of the photos in there?"

ME:   "Save them?  No, the ones it spits out are the only photos made."

HER:  "Ok, cool."

I am trying not to crack up because I know she just wants to blurt out, "DID ANYONE SEE JEWEL'S BOYFRIEND SUCKING ON HER T*TS IN THE PHOOTBOOTH!"

HER:  "One more question. There is a camera in there, right?"

ME:    "A little lipstick camera we use for bumpers and stuff, sure."

HER:  "And that camera, does it go on the air live?"

ME:    "If we select that camera it does, otherwise it just feeds into the control room."

At this point I can't take it anymore.

ME:   "Take a deep breath.  Yes, we all saw what she was doing in there.  But it didn't go farther than the control room."

HER:  "And the tape?"

ME:    "There is no tape.  That camera is not isolated.  It only goes to tape if our director selects it and he didn't."

HER:  "Ok, phew.  (long reflective pause) Hey you've seen her boobs a lot haven't you?"

I go back into the control room and double check with my staff - that camera did NOT go to tape right?  No Sir. Check.  We didn't grab any digital stills while she was in there did we?  No Sir. Check.

Ok.  She is safe no one will ever know.

Clearly they lied to me.

As I said, these have been on the internet for years but the story has never been told.  So there you go.  It wasn't anything salacious or exhibitionist.  They thought they were in private...and clearly they weren't.  And yes, I added the black bar myself.

At least everyone knows I wasn't bullshitting but in all honesty a little part of me died because I was no longer the only "civilian" so see Jewel's boobies.

George Carlin

So much has been said about George Carlin this past week I doubt I could add anything significant.  Rather, to further prove everyone's worship of him justified, I chose to let George speak for himself.

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood."

"Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckn' empty little heads off."

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."

"I finally accepted Jesus -- not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from."

"I've begun worshipping the Sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the Sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate."

"Here's another question I've been pondering -- what is all this shit about angels? Have you heard this? Three out of four people belive in angels. Are you fucking stupid? Has everybody lost their mind? You know what I think it is? I think it's a massive, collective, psychotic chemical flashback for all the drugs smoked, swallowed, shot, and obsorbed rectally by all Americans from 1960 to 1990. Thirty years of street drugs will get you some fucking angels, my friend!"

"This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen."

"In the Bullshit Department, a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman. 'Cause I gotta tell you the truth, folks. When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told.
     "Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man -- living in the sky -- who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
     "But He loves you.
     "He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!"

"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he's a good actor. Okay. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. Doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with. For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit.
     "I noticed that of all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers that I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50 percent rate. Half the time I get what I want. Half the time I don't. Same as God 50-50. Same as the four leaf clover, the horse shoe, the rabbit's foot, and the wishing well. Same as the mojo man. Same as the voodoo lady who tells your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same; 50-50. So just pick your superstitions, sit back, make a wish and enjoy yourself.
     "And for those of you that look to the Bible for it's literary qualities and moral lessons; I got a couple other stories I might like to recommend for you. You might enjoy The Three Little Pigs. That's a good one. It has a nice happy ending. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood. Although it does have that one X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I liked best: "and all the king's horses, and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None. Not one. Never was. No God."

Anything Goes

Last night I watched the premieres of "Wipeout" and "I Was Kidnapped By A Japanese Game Show."

I was just discussing them with some friends and we came to the realization that when it comes to reality TV, you can now pretty much do ANYTHING to ANYBODY.

During the infancy of the Reality/Competition genre there were many ethical questions posed, "Can you put people on an island with only rice to eat?" "Can you really get a man to meet, propose and marry someone on TV?"

In truth, these weren't just ethical questions - they were casting concerns. In the late 90's/early '00s I did a series of MTV Spring Break shows with Jerry Springer. I remember being in a writer's meeting brainstorming the stunts we would have these college kids do - the human burrito, peanut butter bikinis, picking up stuff with their butt cheeks etc.

My naivete showed when I expressed real concern that we would not be able to find kids to do this stuff. Flash forward to me sitting behind a card table on a beach in Cancun, clip board in hand, asking a long line of kids to show me any hidden talents they had. The first girl I asked dropped to her knees and began to blow the guy behind her in line.

"Ah," I thought, "her parents must be so proud..."

So, in this new age of competition/reality shows I want to throw my latest idea into the ring. I call it...

"Shoot You In The Face."

Tell me you would not tune in to a show called "Shoot You In The Face." The show would be exactly that. Contestants step and get shot in the face. Survivors move to the next round and closer to a million dollar prize. From a budget standpoint it is perfect because you most probably will not have to give away the million. And if you do, man do they fucking deserve it.

A co-worker suggested, "R U The Next Messiah?" This is not only a great game show but a legitimate search for the next savior. Can our contestants walk on water? Part a sea? Turn water into wine? If not they are eliminated. If they succeed it is a pretty good bet they are someone we should be paying attention to.

Don't steal these ideas cause I'm gonna sell these suckers.

More "Genius" love...

From Pop Syndicate...

Genius #1
Comic Books: 1 comments: 06/20/2008 ShareThis
By James Donnelly

A modern-day warrior genius is a gang-banger. Uh-oh.

Every once in a while, there comes along a comic that I’ve never seen before that I’m entirely unfamiliar with whose creators I’m entirely unfamiliar with, but I open up the front cover anyway to take a look and something about it is so perplexing and unusual that I have to buy the damn thing. Some of you may already be familiar with Top Cow Publishing’s ‘Pilot Season’ marketing idea. It’s essentially the ‘American Idol’ of comics. You read ‘em, you vote for your favorite, and whichever two (in this case) are the most popular become a series. Normally, I hate these things. They’re mostly cheesecake-heavy art with very little emphasis on those trivial little things like, say, dialogue, story or character. But that kind of thinking is very close-minded, so when I went to the shop this week, I decided to pick up one of these ‘Pilots’. It’s for a comic called Genius.

And I was floored by it.

When you open the book, the first thing you see is a police officer being shot to death against a backdrop of mathematical formulas and equations. There is a very tense standoff in South Central Los Angeles between three LAPD officers and what appears to be one lone young black woman named Destiny, who has just killed the cop. They demand her surrender (which seems a little unusual for LA cops…) which she denies, and a split second later, two more cops are shot by snipers. The third is left alive to tell the tale of how this neighborhood belongs to Destiny and the police are no longer welcome. She then rallies the neighborhood in a St. Crispin’s Day-style speech and makes her case that no one in the neighborhood ever needs to dial 911 again. If there’s trouble, she’s the one to go to. Meanwhile, back at the local precinct house, Detective Reginald Grey is trying to explain his theory that war is brewing on the streets, and not a simple turf war. An out-and-out war between organized gang members and the police. The police rush to the neighborhood where their comrades had just fallen only to find that they are completely outnumbered and outgunned and most importantly out-thought by the mysterious Destiny, who is a comparative modern-day warrior genius on the level of Alexander the Great and Hannibal. And with the easy defeat of the 40-odd cops that show up in the neighborhood, the war has begun.

I really wasn’t so entertained by this comic as I was left mostly speechless by it. But honestly I don’t think that this comic is meant to be entertaining per se as much as it’s meant to be thought-provoking. Watching cops getting killed by the truckload by gang-bangers is not many people’s idea of a good time, and I can see how this comic would turn a lot of people off. But the writing, art and story is very captivating and visceral. Writers Marc Bernardin and Adam Freeman (who worked on titles I’ve never heard of like The Highwaymen) do a very solid job juggling a tough subject. The violence in the comic doesn’t seem cathartic or joyful that you might see in other titles. It packs a bloody punch that is akin to a Brubaker or Millar book. In many ways, it’s like it’s daring you to keep reading it. And this is a comic that could very easily come off the rails by having Destiny ending up having a benevolent agenda of some sort. It has a kind of Wanted feel to it, and as that comic did its job to not let Wesley end up becoming a good guy, I hope that Genius keeps that level of commitment. Also artist Afua Richardson does some very slick but realistic work here.

This is not a comic meant for everyone, but for people willing to be exposed to some unusual ideas and some very hardcore storytelling, it’s going to be a very intense ride.

Genius #1
Written by Marc Bernardin and Adam Freeman
Art by Afua Richardson
Letters by Troy Peteri

Still Funny Till The End

Sons of a Bitches

Those bastards.  I am referring to the Creators and Producers of Extreme Make: Over Home Edition (hello Tom, Julie & Denise).  As far as I can tell, this show exists for two reasons and two reasons only:

1.  To help less fortunate families get back on their feet with a solid roof over their heads.

2.  To make me ball uncontrollably.

I DARE you to watch this show and not cry.  It is impossible.  Last night my wife, two daughters (ages 2 & 5) watched the 100th episode and had tears streaming down our faces the entire time.  Screw therapy, if I need to unburden my self of pent up emotion I will just turn to Designer Paul DiMeo who seems only slightly more fragile than I do.

My favorite episodes are the ones where the design of the house is tailored to a family's need.   For example, a boy with brittle bones was given a padded room in case he fell.  A girl allergic to UV rays was given a UV protective skylight so she could lay in bed and still see outside.  THAT to me is truly giving someone a new life.

My only gripe, besides some of the cutesy schtick, is the making over of the bedrooms.  A kid mentions they rode a bus once so...there entire room is made to look like a bus!  The bed is made of old toxic tires, the vents spew exhaust!  Or a kid happens to have a fondness for cupcakes.  It doesn't mean her bedroom has to be a perfect replica of Betty Crocker's commode.  You ever think someone gets a look at their new room and thinks, "Fuck, I said I liked baseball but for Christ's sake!"

This isn't anything I didn't tell the producers when I interviewed there about 2 years ago.  No shocker I didn't get the job.

The are other things I am curious about.  A lot of these families live in very poor neighborhoods.  They tear down their near-condemned shacks and put up these beautiful mansions....in between their neighbor's condemned shacks.  They hardly ever show the adjacent houses in the wide shots.  Is this for privacy or because they look like where Steve Martin was born in "The Jerk?"  Do these new houses become targets for crime because these bad neighborhoods now know the house on Blank Street has 12 flat screens and a waterfall shaped like Reggie Jackson?

Also, have they ever gone back to a family's house for a follow up and realized that the family totally fucked up their new house as well?  I remember in Queer Eye they would do follow ups only to find the man they made into Mr. GQ quickly grew his mullet back when not babysat by the Fab Five.  Has anyone put a painting of dogs playing poker over the $10,000 marble fire place the design team built by hand?

Just wondering.

Keep up the good work fellas.  I joke, but who can knock a show that does that much good.

R.I.P. George Carlin

Shit.  Piss.  Fuck.  Cunt.  Cocksucker.  Motherfucker.  Tits.

More on this legendary comedian when I can organize my thoughts.

This sucks.

Have You Gotten Your "Genius" on yet?

On sale now!

The Art of Firing Someone

I was at a birthday party today and saw someone that I worked with many years ago.  In fact, I fired her.

I have only been fired once.  I was Christmas help at Macy's and was not kept on after the holidays.  They ripped up my time card in front of me.

BUT, I have fired many people.  I would say, over my 15+ year career...maybe...25?  30?  For a variety of reasons.  Cut backs, incompetence, borderline sexual harassment, being high at work, bringing a weapon to work, you name it.

I have honed my technique over the years.  A matter of fact, I probably honed it over the course of ONE afternoon about 6 or 7 years ago when I had to let 8 people go in one day due to budget cuts.

Get to the objective quick, then qualify your reasons.  I call it "The Band Aid Technique."  Management training tells you you should fire someone on their turf so they do not have to do the walk of shame back to their desk, but most of the people I have fired worked in common spaces or shared offices so I didn't think that was appropriate.  Plus, I can be a softy so I feel like my office puts them on guard a little and takes some of the pressure off me.

I ask them to come in and sit down.  I do not say, "How's it going?" or "What's up?"  I get right to the point.  "I'm sorry ___________, but we have to let you go."  No time to squirm, no time to work themselves up into a froth.  I then follow it up with my reasons to show it was a logical decision.  I then rise, cueing them to rise, shake their hand and walk them to the door.

It seems cold but I actually think it is the most respectful.  I was in the room when a coworker fired someone once.  He dragged it out so long, "You know, we've been thinking, you do a great job, but we have discussed some issues in the past, so what it all comes down to is..."  PAINFUL.  I could see the person squirming, half listening to what was being said.  The other of their brain was racing, thinking, "Oh my God am I getting fired?  I think I am getting fired.  Is he about to fire me?"

Also, don't make it about you.  "This was very tough for me" or "I have been up nights thinking about this."  You know what?  The person who is walking out that door unemployed has it much worse than you so shut the fuck up.  They are having a crappier day than you.

For the most part, the Band Aid Technique works.  Every once in a while someone will cry, or get pissed and yell, or list the reasons why they shouldn't be fired.  I once fired someone after months of giving them warnings and finally an ultimatum, "If this next project is not good I have to let you go."  When I finally did let him go he sat there and for 10 minutes repeated, "Well, this comes as quite a shock.  I really am taken aback.  Where is this coming from?"

Most recently I fired someone and she literally refused to leave my office.  She wanted to rehash the situation over and over again.  I wrapped it up several times but she wouldn't get up from the chair.  I finally had to physically escort her from the building (making sure not to touch her once.)  The capper was the next day when I was told she was looking into having Al Sharpton contact me.

So if you are going to fire someone, besides making sure you are all taken care of from the Human Resources and Legal angles, do it quick.  Be brief, be respectful and be strong.

Trump has the right idea.

An Open Letter to Eddie Murphy...

Eddie.  Eddie.

C'mon Eddie.

I am a fan.  And as a fan someone has got to give it to you straight.  It ain't workin'.  I don't know who you have guiding your career, maybe no one.  Whatever/whoever it is needs a good kick to the curb.

 Look at this picture.  Look at it.

I CANNOT put myself through another "Eddie Murphy High Concept Comedy."  Please.  You are Eddie Murphy for Christ's sake.  You are better than this.  Screw Axel Foley, I am starting to think Axel Rose is getting better career advice than you.

Let's review:

*Saturday Night Live - huge chunks o' brilliance. "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood,"  "Gumbi,"  the convict poetry, "C-I-L-L my landlord."  Classic.

*48 Hours - Great.  Made an ok script a good movie.

*Best Defense - ooof.  But ok, everyone is allowed a misstep, especially early on.

*Beverly Hills Cop - the pinnacle.  Sylvester Stallone was supposed to play Foley.  I shudder.

*Golden Child - Starting to get a little self indulgent but BHC was so huge you got by.

*Beverly Hills Cop II - Not the first one, but some solid laughs.  More a bad script than a bad Eddie.

*Coming To America - Ok.  Some laughs.  Many people love it more than me, but I don't hate it.

*Harlem Nights - For me, exact opposite of Coming to America.  Most people thought it missed.  I LOVE this movie.

*Another 48 Hours - blah but it's ok.  At this point you are still Eddie Murphy.

*Boomerang - Another movie people saw as a miss but I LOVE this movie as well.  I told you, I am a fan.

*Distinguished Gentelman - this is where, except for a few notable exceptions, the Eddie ship starts treading water.

Between 1992 and the present someone (I am giving you the benefit of the doubt) let you think the following were good ideas:  Beverly Hills Cop III, Vampire in Brooklyn, Metro, Holy Man, Life (RIP Ted Demme), Nutty Professor II, Pluto Nash, I Spy, Daddy Day Care, The Haunted Mansion, Dr. Doolittle II, Shrek III, Norbit, and unless I am drastically wrong  - Meet Dave.

To be fair there were highlights:  Nutty Professor, Dr. Doolittle (tried another remake, not a fan but it did well so someone liked it), Bowfinger (great - see below), Shrek (flashes of old Eddie brilliance), Shrek II and Dreamgirls.

Thats W 6 (and Doolittle was a gimme) /  L 14.

Not good.  And not only not good, but the failures were HUGE failures.  Like Ed Wood failures.  Not quirky Johnny Depp Ed Wood, like real Ed Wood Ed Wood.  Norbit?  Like we need another Eddie in a fat suit movie?  Nothing is gonna beat the two dinner scenes in Nutty I & II.  Leave it be.

But I get it.  Instead of just trying to get on base you were trying to get out of your slump with one pitch by swinging for the fences and hoping to knock one out with a sure fire kid's hit like the Doolittle, Haunted Mansion and Daddy Day Care.

But your EDDIE MURPHY.  We know you got it.  You know you got it.  I didn't even mention Delirious & Raw!

So here's what we're gonna do Eddie.  If a script comes across you desk with any high concepts - talking animals, talking cars - anything talking except humans?  Shred it.  Any movie that requires you to play multiple parts in make-up?  Shred it.  Anything that involves you shrinking, growing, anything - shred it.

Stuff like Dreamgirls is ok, but one of the reasons it popped is because it was different.  Do Dreamgirls II, III, IV and V and you erase the good vibes of the first one.

This is what you need:  a good, simple script.  A script you can make your own and better but doesn't REQUIRE you to do so, the pieces are there.  The only character exception I would is something like Bowfinger.  A smaller part that allows you to upstage everyone.

Call Judd Apatow, call the Cohens (now there's an idea!), call Alexander Payne, Jay Roach, even Wes Anderson.

Call someone you respect with their name above the title to give you that comeback because you are one TALENTED motherfucker and we could use you right about now.

WTF?

Another Good Review...

This one from Hannibal at Comic Book Resources:


"Wow. Really? Wow. This is something all new. On one side, you have a police detective named Grey who's a whiz at numbers and statistical analysis. Using the entirety of the LAPD databases, he's come to the realization that a singular charismatic force has risen up to organize many disparate gang elements in South Central Los Angeles in an organized military campaign against law enforcement and the government. On the other side is this "suspect zero" -- a person who's not at all what Grey expects, a person who may (as he says) possess "the greatest military mind of our time." When you get a look at her (yes, her), a lean Latina named Destiny (doesn't that just feel right?) who's just as capable of dealing out violence as she is at commanding men. Artist Afua Richardson (love the fluidity of the style, which doesn't sacrifice detail in any way) shows the inner working of Destiny's brain in a way that's reminiscent of what Marvel's done recently with Amadeus Cho, but with an edge and a determination that's frightening as well as entertaining. Writers Marc Bernardin and Adam Freeman, who brought you the amazing "Highwaymen" series, have done it again. Seriously, wow."

Stress Test

This comes courtesy of Neil McCaffery.

Look at the following images:





Are they moving or standing still?

Neither of these are animated. They are still images and measure your ability to handle to stress. The slower they are moving, the better your ability. They saw criminals see these swirling around frantically. Senior Citizens and children see them standing perfectly still.

Subtitle Your Own Movies

Thanks to Pop Candy, I was turned on to this site that lets you subtitle clips to really bad foreign movies. Here is my lame first attempt...

For some reason it won't let me embed it - but check it out here.

The Puzzle Apartment

Universal Pictures just purchased the rights to an article which appeared in the New York Times last week.

Apparently, an architect hired to completely gut and redo a family's NYC apartment built a scavenger hunt into the apartment - secret messages on radiators that revealed hidden panels containing a story book written just for them. The book and tons of more clues took them on an adventure entirely in the apartment. Hidden drawers in furniture, coded message written on blinds etc.






Who has the time to do this? And can they come to my house?

Read the article here. VERY cool.

Genius is here!!!

"Genius" is finally here. Grab your copy today!

And check some more press:

- here

- here

- and here

So far the response is overwhelming positive which is a relief because the book pushes some sensitive buttons.

But as we all know, rave review don't always translate to sales so please support "Genius" and come August vote at Top Cow to make it their next ongoing monthly series.

And if you do pick it up, please drop me or Marc a line and let us know what you think.

Thanks all!

R.I.P. Stan Winston

Man, this is just getting depressing...

LOS ANGELES - Hollywood special-effects maestro Stan Winston has died at age 62.

The Oscar-winning visual effects artist died at his home Sunday evening surrounded by family after a seven-year struggle with multiple myeloma, according to a representative from Stan Winston Studio.

Winston won visual effects Oscars for 1986's "Aliens, "1992's "Terminator 2: Judgment Day" and 1993's "Jurassic Park."

Winston is survived by his wife, Karen; a son, daughter, brother and four grandchildren.

R.I.P. Tim Russert

Interview with myself and Genius artist Afua Richardson

The "Genius" press machine continues here.

More "Genius"

Another cool "Genius" interview courtesy of the fellas at "Joo-See". Thanks guys!

New Interview

All around good guy Scott Slemmons has posted a new "Genius" interview with Marc Bernardin and myself at HERO SANDWICH. Check it out.

Nunley's Handcarts

A few days ago I posted a story about working the Nunley's handcarts. Well I found a Facebook club that actually had pictures...




I hope it makes the visual of the little b*tch getting her hair caught that much better.

P.S. I the background of the first picture you can even see the barn I reference in this post.

You Can't Bury Just One...

Designer of Pringles carton buried in crisp tube
By Jon Swaine
Last Updated: 7:53PM BST 02/06/2008
The designer of the Pringles crisp tube has died – and had his remains buried in one of the containers.


The packaging was his 'proudest accomplishment'
Dr Fredric J. Baur, who was 89, had told his family to ensure his final resting place was the inside of one of his most famous creations.

They honoured his request by having his ashes buried in a Pringles tube – and a more conventional urn for the overflow – at Arlington Memorial Gardens in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Dr Baur, who was a retired chemist and food storage technician at Pringles owners Procter and Gamble, patented the design for the saddle-shaped crisp’s vertical container in 1970.

CASE IN POINT

No sooner did I post the previous blurb - "Good Luck/ Bad Luck" (see directly below) than I got a photo sent to me from a friend/staff member, Moriah.

We were shooting Tracy Tweed having a doctor's consultation and she was putting lotion on her hands.

Guess where it ended up?



Go ahead, laugh. This is what I live with everyday.

Good Luck / Bad Luck

At 37, I have grown up insistent that I have horrible luck. My dad calls it, "The Freeman Luck" which is Dr. Phil parent speak for "I am going to drill it in your head from birth that things don't go your way."

But in a rare moment of "glass half full-ness" I am starting to realize that I actually have Good BIG luck and and Bad SMALL luck.

Let me explain:

On the surface my luck is horrible: just last week...

I got a moving violation.

My entire entertainment center died.

One of the replacement pieces I bought was defective.

My brand new 2 grand computer had to have its memory wiped.

If I go to rent a movie it will not be there.

If I go to buy something at the store it is out of stock.

If by chance it is in stock the one I GET will be defective.

Almost any can of soda I pick will explode in my face.

I actually tried to do some gardening and got a mild case of poison something...you get the picture.

It has been this way my whole life, hence my defeatist Woody Allen-type vibe. But when it comes to the big stuff I guess actually have GOOD LUCK:

I have two beautiful healthy kids.

I have a great wife who loves me...most of the time.

I have a nice house.

I have a good job.

So I guess, in the big picture, I have good luck. Although it would be nice to be in a public bathroom that didn't run out of toilet paper.

R.I.P. Bo Diddley

Musician Bo Diddley dies aged 79

Diddley was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1987
Musician Bo Diddley has died at the age of 79.
The Grammy-winning singer-guitarist died of heart failure in Florida, his spokeswoman said.
He had suffered a heart attack in August 2007, three months after suffering a stroke which affected his ability to speak.
He rose to fame in 1955 when he topped the R&B charts with Bo Diddley. His other hits include Who Do You Love, Before You Accuse Me, and Mona.
The legendary singer and performer was known for his homemade square guitar, dark glasses and black hat.

"Genius" Coming Soon!

Top Cow VP and all around good guy Rob Levin had some kind things to say about "Genius" in a recent interview...

WIZARD: "Geinus" is also coming in June, by Marc Bernardin & Adam Freeman and artist Afua Richardson. Give us some background on "Genius."

ROB: Background is a good way to put it. I met Marc on (the now-defunct Warren Ellis forum) The Engine back in early 2006, and we had done a little correspondence. We met up in San Diego that year and he introduced me to his writing partner Adam and we talked about what Top Cow was looking for. They pitched me a concept I still really like, but for some reason we haven't done it. Fast forward to last February, and the New York Comic Con, where they gave me a new pitch called "Genius." My first thought was, "We must do this book." My second thought was, "Are readers ready for this book?" The latter was the only thing that prevented this from being done sooner. I love new books, and I wish there were concepts and genres being tried out in American comics. There are exceptions, but we're still very superhero heavy, especially in terms of what sells.

WIZARD: Does this concept sound like anything else out there?

ROB: Alexander, Hannibal, Napoleon, Patton. What if the greatest military minds of our generation were born in strife, surrounded by violence and combat since birth? When the gauntlet is dropped, the question isn't "How did 17-year-old Destiny Ajaye unite the gangs of South Central into a killer army and declare war on the LAPD?" No, the question is, "Can anyone stop her?"

I think this is one of the best books you're likely to read this year, but it's not for those who just want to see people flying and punching and punching through continuity walls.

This was actually one of the harder books to find the right artist on, because we wanted realism, a street sensibility, and something unique. Afua brings all of that and more to the table.

Got What She Deserved...

Another Nunley's story for you...

They had a ride called the "Hand Carts." They were exactly that - a little seat with hand crank that rode on tiny train tracks around a little fake town. Kind of a miniature version of this:



It was designed for kids 5 or 6 and under. One day I am working the ride and these older girls want to go on - they were probably 10 or so. I told them they couldn't but they begged and begged so I said ok, with the provision that they kept moving, gave enough room between them and any little kids, and didn't bump anyone.

Well, low and behold, these two girls take off, cranking away, and intentionally slam into the little boy ahead of them. Kid almost got whiplash from getting hit so hard from behind. So I kicked the girls off the ride.

This one girl unleashed a tirade of expletives not heard outside of certain Navy vessels. "You mother fucking, cock sucker blah blah blah." Yeah, a 10 year old.

I took the higher ground, asked them to not speak that in front of the smaller kids and their parents on line but nothing stopped her. I could still hear from the other side of the park.

Later that night I am still at the Hand Carts (I'll discuss the slave-like labor conditions another time...) and look who's back. The mouthy girl and this time she has brought her mother. Mom looked very nice, well put together, solidly upper middle class.

"I understand there was an incident with my daughter earlier?

Finally, I think. A responsible parent is going to teach their child a lesson.

"Yes ma'am. I told her she could go on the ride if she didn't bump anyone and then she rammed this little boy and almost seriously hurt him. I asked her and her friend to get off the ride."

Mom looks from me to her daughter, "Is this true?"

"Yes mom," she answers.

So the mom turns to me and says, "Just who the fuck do you think you are to kick MY daughter off a ride you minimum wage punk ass motherfucker? I outta cut your fucking balls off and...."

And the whole time the daughter is standing next to her saying, "He called you ma'am! He thinks your an old lady mom. What retard says ma'am?"

"One that treats people with respect I say," realizing I pretty much copped to being SOME form of retard. At least a respectful one.

Mom continues, "You let my daughter back on right fucking now or I am getting your boss."

I asked her to get my boss which she did. This woman goes on and on about how I am dispectful, what kind of place is he running her etc. You know, in retrospect, not one of the parents standing around witnessing this defended me...

My boss tells me to let her go on. "Fine," I say.

So the little bitch, smirking in my face, gets on the hand cart and begins to crank away. Thanks for hanging with me this long - THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD.

As the girl is riding away she turns over her shoulder and gives me the finger. The rest happened in what seemed like slow motion...

She turns to flip me off which sends her beautiful, butt length blonde hair whipping around right on top of the cranks she is turning. For the first time in my life I believe there might just be a God as I watch her continue to crank and suck her hair into the crank (like a paper shredder) until it is all entrapped up to the roots. Her right cheek is now firmly pressed against the handles and ALL OF HER HAIR IS IN THE CRANKS.

And I am sitting there like Willy Wonka as the Oompa Loompas come with scissors and cut Veruca Salt's hair off to free her.

Karma my friends. Karma.

I AM SPARTACUS!!!

R.I.P. Harvey Korman

Man, I have been posting a lot of R.I.P.'s lately.

All the good ones are leaving us.

That little punk...

My oldest is 5.

Her responsibilities include:

- Waking up
- Taking a crap
- Getting dressed
- Going to school
- Eating
- Playing
- Sleeping

This morning she spilled something in the bathroom and when I told her clean it up she, with a straight face, said the following:

"I am only a kid. You guys make me do too much. I never have time to myself to play or watch TV."

So I sent her back down to the basement to make more clothes for Kathie Lee Gifford.

My Point Exactly

On May 16th I posted an entry entitled The Public Is Stupid, talking about how networks cave too easily to overly sensitive conservative groups.

Today, I just read about an example of an advertiser bowing to pressure.

Take a look at this ad:
Bowing to pressure, Dunkin Donuts has pulled this ad from print, TV etc.

Can you guess why?

A group has claimed that her scarf, which I have seen on hundreds of women (and a few men), that can bought at any mall, any store etc...is (drumroll) SHOWING THAT RACHEL RAY SUPPORTS EXTREME FUNDAMENTALIST MUSLIMS.

You heard here folk, Rachel Ray is a terrorist.

And as I wrote in my previous post, if ONE person writes a letter, everyone panics.

Some people have WAY too much time on their hands.