Happy 4th of July from the Muppets

Dork.

My neighbor's babysitter writes for the local paper and she must have been real desperate because she asked to interview me as an "interesting local person."  I think it's safe to say Britney Spears, P. Diddy, Brandy, Sean Astin, Lisa Rinna, Harry Hamlin, Brad Garrett, Howie Mandell, Stuttering John and the Kardashian's were all busy.

And to all you who have asked, "Why aren't you smiling?"  It's because that's my serious "tortured artist" face, ok?  I have been practicing in the mirror for just such an occasion.

Click here to go to the original link.

Be A Cult Member - Or Just Look Like One!

The Polygamists known as the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints had their plethora of children returned and they are celebrating by inviting everyone to take part in their fashion sense.

I personally think the "Little House on the Prairie" look is LONG overdue for a comeback.  Don't you?

Hard Working Soldiers Deserve Downtime

Leaked Hell Boy II Promo

A friend of mine just finished working on this promo and NO - he did not leak it.  Some how Harry "the great one" Knowles got a hold of it.

"The Fly: The Opera"

WHY?

Eddie, You Misunderstood...

Well, Eddie Murphy obviously read my post the other day, became despondent, and decided to throw in the towel.  Although I am flattered that my opinion means that much to Eddie I believe he misunderstood.

Eddie - I am excited to hear about your return to stand-up, but you don't have to give up on movies all together.  Let's sit down, talk, and get this thing back on track.

Call me.

How Did I Get Here?

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile,

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife,

And you may ask yourself - well, how did I get here?

-Talking Heads, "Once In A Lifetime"

Disgusting Day

First up, an open letter to all men.  I am focusing on the men because I hope to think women don't do this.

Hey men - in what world do you get a perverse thrill by not flushing the toilet in a public restroom?  For as long as I can remember (grade school?) men's bathroom's are disgusting.  I don't get it.  Is it supposed to be a joke on the next guy?  Exerting some dormant and wimpy rebellious side?  "I'll show them...I won't flush!"

Fucking grow up.

As if that little present in the Barnes & Noble restroom wasn't enough, I then went into the t-mobile store to ask a question and - no lie - the salesman THREW UP right in front of me.  I asked him a question, he mumbled something, and then literally PUKED right in front of me and my family.

I have had enough of strangers' bodily functions for one day, thank you.

Story Time...

For every story I tell on this site there are 50 I can't.  More accurately, won't - for a variety of reasons.  First and foremost, I don't want to be "that guy."  Secondly, I still work in the industry and don't want to burn any bridges...yet.

That said, I will share this next one because it's results have been all over the internet for a few years...but I was there.  I am not breaking a story, just telling it through my eyes.

Flashback to 1996.  Jewel has just put out her first record.  I have a mad crush on her.  Not an "Uma Thurman" stalker crush, a crush like all da ladies like McDreamy or whatever the fuck his name is.

I am low level producer on a shoot and Jewel is a guest.  My boss knows I think she is awesome so I am put in charge of her for the day.  She arrives and I take her and her A&R person to her trailer.  I ask her if she would like some water.  I reach into the RV's fridge and when I turn around...she is topless.

Now, this is not "making a move" topless.  She just got off a plane, wanted to change clothes and obviously - was not shy.  I was stunned.  I didn't know what to do.  I could tell the A&R woman couldn't believe she disrobed in front of me either.  I politely looked at the ground and excused myself.

I must have been beet red because my boss asked if everything was ok.  I didn't want to say anything because I guess I was afraid this would some how be twisted around and become my fault and I would be fired.  MTV's relationship with a platinum selling artist is much more valuable than me so it would have meant nothing to throw me under the bus.

My girlfriend (now my wife) was there working as well and eventually she or someone got it out of me.  I saw Jewel's boobies!  It was then immediately announced over the entire production's walkie talkies.  "Adam saw Jewels t*ts!"

Flash forward to 2002, maybe 2003?  I have been at MTV for 11 years and "Jewel's t*ts" has become one of those stories that the "old timers" laugh about.  I don't recall ever bringing it up myself, but whenever a Jewel song or video came on I would hear, "Hey Adam, remember the time..."

Well here I am running MTV's flagship show, TRL.  A trademark of the show was an old style photobooth we had backstage.  We would have all the guests sit in it and take photos for the studio wall and we also had a little lipstick camera in there so we could cut to it live.  "There's Britney Spears in the TRL photobooth.  She's up right after the break..."  Like this...

So on this particular day the guest is none other than Jewel.  We are in the control room and sure enough, "Hey Adam, remember the time..."  All the "youngsters" want to hear the story and I am coaxed into telling it.  Afterwards one of the old time executives says, "You know, I never said anything, but that story is bullshit.  She would never do that."

"If you say so," I reply.

"You're telling me that she got topless in front of you?  Why you?" he says.

"Well, I don't think it was personal. She just must be very...comfortable."

"Bullshit," he says again.

I have nothing to prove so I don't push the issue.  I didn't bring it up in the first place.

Suddenly, as if on cue, a crew member yells, "Holy crap!  Look at that!"  He is pointing to a little black and white screen in the corner of our control room's massive monitor wall.  It happens to be the screen that shows the camera in the photobooth.

There is Jewel and her rodeo star boyfriend taking some"personal" pictures.

"I told you she's not shy."

As we are watching with our mouths open we can actually see the moment when they notice there is a camera in the booth.  "Oh shit," we read on their lips.

:30 seconds later there is a knock on the control room door.  Jewel's A&R person (the same one from the RV all those years ago) would like to speak to me.  It is obvious that she knows what happened but she wants to find out how much I know, without tipping her hat in case I don't know.

HER:  "How's it going?"

ME:    "Good.  Really good.  She was great on the show."

HER:  "Yeah.  Hey, I was wondering - that photobooth, does it save copies of the photos in there?"

ME:   "Save them?  No, the ones it spits out are the only photos made."

HER:  "Ok, cool."

I am trying not to crack up because I know she just wants to blurt out, "DID ANYONE SEE JEWEL'S BOYFRIEND SUCKING ON HER T*TS IN THE PHOOTBOOTH!"

HER:  "One more question. There is a camera in there, right?"

ME:    "A little lipstick camera we use for bumpers and stuff, sure."

HER:  "And that camera, does it go on the air live?"

ME:    "If we select that camera it does, otherwise it just feeds into the control room."

At this point I can't take it anymore.

ME:   "Take a deep breath.  Yes, we all saw what she was doing in there.  But it didn't go farther than the control room."

HER:  "And the tape?"

ME:    "There is no tape.  That camera is not isolated.  It only goes to tape if our director selects it and he didn't."

HER:  "Ok, phew.  (long reflective pause) Hey you've seen her boobs a lot haven't you?"

I go back into the control room and double check with my staff - that camera did NOT go to tape right?  No Sir. Check.  We didn't grab any digital stills while she was in there did we?  No Sir. Check.

Ok.  She is safe no one will ever know.

Clearly they lied to me.

As I said, these have been on the internet for years but the story has never been told.  So there you go.  It wasn't anything salacious or exhibitionist.  They thought they were in private...and clearly they weren't.  And yes, I added the black bar myself.

At least everyone knows I wasn't bullshitting but in all honesty a little part of me died because I was no longer the only "civilian" so see Jewel's boobies.

George Carlin

So much has been said about George Carlin this past week I doubt I could add anything significant.  Rather, to further prove everyone's worship of him justified, I chose to let George speak for himself.

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood."

"Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckn' empty little heads off."

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."

"I finally accepted Jesus -- not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from."

"I've begun worshipping the Sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the Sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate."

"Here's another question I've been pondering -- what is all this shit about angels? Have you heard this? Three out of four people belive in angels. Are you fucking stupid? Has everybody lost their mind? You know what I think it is? I think it's a massive, collective, psychotic chemical flashback for all the drugs smoked, swallowed, shot, and obsorbed rectally by all Americans from 1960 to 1990. Thirty years of street drugs will get you some fucking angels, my friend!"

"This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen."

"In the Bullshit Department, a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman. 'Cause I gotta tell you the truth, folks. When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told.
     "Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man -- living in the sky -- who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
     "But He loves you.
     "He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!"

"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he's a good actor. Okay. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. Doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with. For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit.
     "I noticed that of all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers that I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50 percent rate. Half the time I get what I want. Half the time I don't. Same as God 50-50. Same as the four leaf clover, the horse shoe, the rabbit's foot, and the wishing well. Same as the mojo man. Same as the voodoo lady who tells your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same; 50-50. So just pick your superstitions, sit back, make a wish and enjoy yourself.
     "And for those of you that look to the Bible for it's literary qualities and moral lessons; I got a couple other stories I might like to recommend for you. You might enjoy The Three Little Pigs. That's a good one. It has a nice happy ending. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood. Although it does have that one X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I liked best: "and all the king's horses, and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None. Not one. Never was. No God."

Anything Goes

Last night I watched the premieres of "Wipeout" and "I Was Kidnapped By A Japanese Game Show."

I was just discussing them with some friends and we came to the realization that when it comes to reality TV, you can now pretty much do ANYTHING to ANYBODY.

During the infancy of the Reality/Competition genre there were many ethical questions posed, "Can you put people on an island with only rice to eat?" "Can you really get a man to meet, propose and marry someone on TV?"

In truth, these weren't just ethical questions - they were casting concerns. In the late 90's/early '00s I did a series of MTV Spring Break shows with Jerry Springer. I remember being in a writer's meeting brainstorming the stunts we would have these college kids do - the human burrito, peanut butter bikinis, picking up stuff with their butt cheeks etc.

My naivete showed when I expressed real concern that we would not be able to find kids to do this stuff. Flash forward to me sitting behind a card table on a beach in Cancun, clip board in hand, asking a long line of kids to show me any hidden talents they had. The first girl I asked dropped to her knees and began to blow the guy behind her in line.

"Ah," I thought, "her parents must be so proud..."

So, in this new age of competition/reality shows I want to throw my latest idea into the ring. I call it...

"Shoot You In The Face."

Tell me you would not tune in to a show called "Shoot You In The Face." The show would be exactly that. Contestants step and get shot in the face. Survivors move to the next round and closer to a million dollar prize. From a budget standpoint it is perfect because you most probably will not have to give away the million. And if you do, man do they fucking deserve it.

A co-worker suggested, "R U The Next Messiah?" This is not only a great game show but a legitimate search for the next savior. Can our contestants walk on water? Part a sea? Turn water into wine? If not they are eliminated. If they succeed it is a pretty good bet they are someone we should be paying attention to.

Don't steal these ideas cause I'm gonna sell these suckers.

More "Genius" love...

From Pop Syndicate...

Genius #1
Comic Books: 1 comments: 06/20/2008 ShareThis
By James Donnelly

A modern-day warrior genius is a gang-banger. Uh-oh.

Every once in a while, there comes along a comic that I’ve never seen before that I’m entirely unfamiliar with whose creators I’m entirely unfamiliar with, but I open up the front cover anyway to take a look and something about it is so perplexing and unusual that I have to buy the damn thing. Some of you may already be familiar with Top Cow Publishing’s ‘Pilot Season’ marketing idea. It’s essentially the ‘American Idol’ of comics. You read ‘em, you vote for your favorite, and whichever two (in this case) are the most popular become a series. Normally, I hate these things. They’re mostly cheesecake-heavy art with very little emphasis on those trivial little things like, say, dialogue, story or character. But that kind of thinking is very close-minded, so when I went to the shop this week, I decided to pick up one of these ‘Pilots’. It’s for a comic called Genius.

And I was floored by it.

When you open the book, the first thing you see is a police officer being shot to death against a backdrop of mathematical formulas and equations. There is a very tense standoff in South Central Los Angeles between three LAPD officers and what appears to be one lone young black woman named Destiny, who has just killed the cop. They demand her surrender (which seems a little unusual for LA cops…) which she denies, and a split second later, two more cops are shot by snipers. The third is left alive to tell the tale of how this neighborhood belongs to Destiny and the police are no longer welcome. She then rallies the neighborhood in a St. Crispin’s Day-style speech and makes her case that no one in the neighborhood ever needs to dial 911 again. If there’s trouble, she’s the one to go to. Meanwhile, back at the local precinct house, Detective Reginald Grey is trying to explain his theory that war is brewing on the streets, and not a simple turf war. An out-and-out war between organized gang members and the police. The police rush to the neighborhood where their comrades had just fallen only to find that they are completely outnumbered and outgunned and most importantly out-thought by the mysterious Destiny, who is a comparative modern-day warrior genius on the level of Alexander the Great and Hannibal. And with the easy defeat of the 40-odd cops that show up in the neighborhood, the war has begun.

I really wasn’t so entertained by this comic as I was left mostly speechless by it. But honestly I don’t think that this comic is meant to be entertaining per se as much as it’s meant to be thought-provoking. Watching cops getting killed by the truckload by gang-bangers is not many people’s idea of a good time, and I can see how this comic would turn a lot of people off. But the writing, art and story is very captivating and visceral. Writers Marc Bernardin and Adam Freeman (who worked on titles I’ve never heard of like The Highwaymen) do a very solid job juggling a tough subject. The violence in the comic doesn’t seem cathartic or joyful that you might see in other titles. It packs a bloody punch that is akin to a Brubaker or Millar book. In many ways, it’s like it’s daring you to keep reading it. And this is a comic that could very easily come off the rails by having Destiny ending up having a benevolent agenda of some sort. It has a kind of Wanted feel to it, and as that comic did its job to not let Wesley end up becoming a good guy, I hope that Genius keeps that level of commitment. Also artist Afua Richardson does some very slick but realistic work here.

This is not a comic meant for everyone, but for people willing to be exposed to some unusual ideas and some very hardcore storytelling, it’s going to be a very intense ride.

Genius #1
Written by Marc Bernardin and Adam Freeman
Art by Afua Richardson
Letters by Troy Peteri

Still Funny Till The End

Sons of a Bitches

Those bastards.  I am referring to the Creators and Producers of Extreme Make: Over Home Edition (hello Tom, Julie & Denise).  As far as I can tell, this show exists for two reasons and two reasons only:

1.  To help less fortunate families get back on their feet with a solid roof over their heads.

2.  To make me ball uncontrollably.

I DARE you to watch this show and not cry.  It is impossible.  Last night my wife, two daughters (ages 2 & 5) watched the 100th episode and had tears streaming down our faces the entire time.  Screw therapy, if I need to unburden my self of pent up emotion I will just turn to Designer Paul DiMeo who seems only slightly more fragile than I do.

My favorite episodes are the ones where the design of the house is tailored to a family's need.   For example, a boy with brittle bones was given a padded room in case he fell.  A girl allergic to UV rays was given a UV protective skylight so she could lay in bed and still see outside.  THAT to me is truly giving someone a new life.

My only gripe, besides some of the cutesy schtick, is the making over of the bedrooms.  A kid mentions they rode a bus once so...there entire room is made to look like a bus!  The bed is made of old toxic tires, the vents spew exhaust!  Or a kid happens to have a fondness for cupcakes.  It doesn't mean her bedroom has to be a perfect replica of Betty Crocker's commode.  You ever think someone gets a look at their new room and thinks, "Fuck, I said I liked baseball but for Christ's sake!"

This isn't anything I didn't tell the producers when I interviewed there about 2 years ago.  No shocker I didn't get the job.

The are other things I am curious about.  A lot of these families live in very poor neighborhoods.  They tear down their near-condemned shacks and put up these beautiful mansions....in between their neighbor's condemned shacks.  They hardly ever show the adjacent houses in the wide shots.  Is this for privacy or because they look like where Steve Martin was born in "The Jerk?"  Do these new houses become targets for crime because these bad neighborhoods now know the house on Blank Street has 12 flat screens and a waterfall shaped like Reggie Jackson?

Also, have they ever gone back to a family's house for a follow up and realized that the family totally fucked up their new house as well?  I remember in Queer Eye they would do follow ups only to find the man they made into Mr. GQ quickly grew his mullet back when not babysat by the Fab Five.  Has anyone put a painting of dogs playing poker over the $10,000 marble fire place the design team built by hand?

Just wondering.

Keep up the good work fellas.  I joke, but who can knock a show that does that much good.

R.I.P. George Carlin

Shit.  Piss.  Fuck.  Cunt.  Cocksucker.  Motherfucker.  Tits.

More on this legendary comedian when I can organize my thoughts.

This sucks.

Have You Gotten Your "Genius" on yet?

On sale now!

The Art of Firing Someone

I was at a birthday party today and saw someone that I worked with many years ago.  In fact, I fired her.

I have only been fired once.  I was Christmas help at Macy's and was not kept on after the holidays.  They ripped up my time card in front of me.

BUT, I have fired many people.  I would say, over my 15+ year career...maybe...25?  30?  For a variety of reasons.  Cut backs, incompetence, borderline sexual harassment, being high at work, bringing a weapon to work, you name it.

I have honed my technique over the years.  A matter of fact, I probably honed it over the course of ONE afternoon about 6 or 7 years ago when I had to let 8 people go in one day due to budget cuts.

Get to the objective quick, then qualify your reasons.  I call it "The Band Aid Technique."  Management training tells you you should fire someone on their turf so they do not have to do the walk of shame back to their desk, but most of the people I have fired worked in common spaces or shared offices so I didn't think that was appropriate.  Plus, I can be a softy so I feel like my office puts them on guard a little and takes some of the pressure off me.

I ask them to come in and sit down.  I do not say, "How's it going?" or "What's up?"  I get right to the point.  "I'm sorry ___________, but we have to let you go."  No time to squirm, no time to work themselves up into a froth.  I then follow it up with my reasons to show it was a logical decision.  I then rise, cueing them to rise, shake their hand and walk them to the door.

It seems cold but I actually think it is the most respectful.  I was in the room when a coworker fired someone once.  He dragged it out so long, "You know, we've been thinking, you do a great job, but we have discussed some issues in the past, so what it all comes down to is..."  PAINFUL.  I could see the person squirming, half listening to what was being said.  The other of their brain was racing, thinking, "Oh my God am I getting fired?  I think I am getting fired.  Is he about to fire me?"

Also, don't make it about you.  "This was very tough for me" or "I have been up nights thinking about this."  You know what?  The person who is walking out that door unemployed has it much worse than you so shut the fuck up.  They are having a crappier day than you.

For the most part, the Band Aid Technique works.  Every once in a while someone will cry, or get pissed and yell, or list the reasons why they shouldn't be fired.  I once fired someone after months of giving them warnings and finally an ultimatum, "If this next project is not good I have to let you go."  When I finally did let him go he sat there and for 10 minutes repeated, "Well, this comes as quite a shock.  I really am taken aback.  Where is this coming from?"

Most recently I fired someone and she literally refused to leave my office.  She wanted to rehash the situation over and over again.  I wrapped it up several times but she wouldn't get up from the chair.  I finally had to physically escort her from the building (making sure not to touch her once.)  The capper was the next day when I was told she was looking into having Al Sharpton contact me.

So if you are going to fire someone, besides making sure you are all taken care of from the Human Resources and Legal angles, do it quick.  Be brief, be respectful and be strong.

Trump has the right idea.

An Open Letter to Eddie Murphy...

Eddie.  Eddie.

C'mon Eddie.

I am a fan.  And as a fan someone has got to give it to you straight.  It ain't workin'.  I don't know who you have guiding your career, maybe no one.  Whatever/whoever it is needs a good kick to the curb.

 Look at this picture.  Look at it.

I CANNOT put myself through another "Eddie Murphy High Concept Comedy."  Please.  You are Eddie Murphy for Christ's sake.  You are better than this.  Screw Axel Foley, I am starting to think Axel Rose is getting better career advice than you.

Let's review:

*Saturday Night Live - huge chunks o' brilliance. "Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood,"  "Gumbi,"  the convict poetry, "C-I-L-L my landlord."  Classic.

*48 Hours - Great.  Made an ok script a good movie.

*Best Defense - ooof.  But ok, everyone is allowed a misstep, especially early on.

*Beverly Hills Cop - the pinnacle.  Sylvester Stallone was supposed to play Foley.  I shudder.

*Golden Child - Starting to get a little self indulgent but BHC was so huge you got by.

*Beverly Hills Cop II - Not the first one, but some solid laughs.  More a bad script than a bad Eddie.

*Coming To America - Ok.  Some laughs.  Many people love it more than me, but I don't hate it.

*Harlem Nights - For me, exact opposite of Coming to America.  Most people thought it missed.  I LOVE this movie.

*Another 48 Hours - blah but it's ok.  At this point you are still Eddie Murphy.

*Boomerang - Another movie people saw as a miss but I LOVE this movie as well.  I told you, I am a fan.

*Distinguished Gentelman - this is where, except for a few notable exceptions, the Eddie ship starts treading water.

Between 1992 and the present someone (I am giving you the benefit of the doubt) let you think the following were good ideas:  Beverly Hills Cop III, Vampire in Brooklyn, Metro, Holy Man, Life (RIP Ted Demme), Nutty Professor II, Pluto Nash, I Spy, Daddy Day Care, The Haunted Mansion, Dr. Doolittle II, Shrek III, Norbit, and unless I am drastically wrong  - Meet Dave.

To be fair there were highlights:  Nutty Professor, Dr. Doolittle (tried another remake, not a fan but it did well so someone liked it), Bowfinger (great - see below), Shrek (flashes of old Eddie brilliance), Shrek II and Dreamgirls.

Thats W 6 (and Doolittle was a gimme) /  L 14.

Not good.  And not only not good, but the failures were HUGE failures.  Like Ed Wood failures.  Not quirky Johnny Depp Ed Wood, like real Ed Wood Ed Wood.  Norbit?  Like we need another Eddie in a fat suit movie?  Nothing is gonna beat the two dinner scenes in Nutty I & II.  Leave it be.

But I get it.  Instead of just trying to get on base you were trying to get out of your slump with one pitch by swinging for the fences and hoping to knock one out with a sure fire kid's hit like the Doolittle, Haunted Mansion and Daddy Day Care.

But your EDDIE MURPHY.  We know you got it.  You know you got it.  I didn't even mention Delirious & Raw!

So here's what we're gonna do Eddie.  If a script comes across you desk with any high concepts - talking animals, talking cars - anything talking except humans?  Shred it.  Any movie that requires you to play multiple parts in make-up?  Shred it.  Anything that involves you shrinking, growing, anything - shred it.

Stuff like Dreamgirls is ok, but one of the reasons it popped is because it was different.  Do Dreamgirls II, III, IV and V and you erase the good vibes of the first one.

This is what you need:  a good, simple script.  A script you can make your own and better but doesn't REQUIRE you to do so, the pieces are there.  The only character exception I would is something like Bowfinger.  A smaller part that allows you to upstage everyone.

Call Judd Apatow, call the Cohens (now there's an idea!), call Alexander Payne, Jay Roach, even Wes Anderson.

Call someone you respect with their name above the title to give you that comeback because you are one TALENTED motherfucker and we could use you right about now.

WTF?

Another Good Review...

This one from Hannibal at Comic Book Resources:


"Wow. Really? Wow. This is something all new. On one side, you have a police detective named Grey who's a whiz at numbers and statistical analysis. Using the entirety of the LAPD databases, he's come to the realization that a singular charismatic force has risen up to organize many disparate gang elements in South Central Los Angeles in an organized military campaign against law enforcement and the government. On the other side is this "suspect zero" -- a person who's not at all what Grey expects, a person who may (as he says) possess "the greatest military mind of our time." When you get a look at her (yes, her), a lean Latina named Destiny (doesn't that just feel right?) who's just as capable of dealing out violence as she is at commanding men. Artist Afua Richardson (love the fluidity of the style, which doesn't sacrifice detail in any way) shows the inner working of Destiny's brain in a way that's reminiscent of what Marvel's done recently with Amadeus Cho, but with an edge and a determination that's frightening as well as entertaining. Writers Marc Bernardin and Adam Freeman, who brought you the amazing "Highwaymen" series, have done it again. Seriously, wow."

Stress Test

This comes courtesy of Neil McCaffery.

Look at the following images:





Are they moving or standing still?

Neither of these are animated. They are still images and measure your ability to handle to stress. The slower they are moving, the better your ability. They saw criminals see these swirling around frantically. Senior Citizens and children see them standing perfectly still.

Subtitle Your Own Movies

Thanks to Pop Candy, I was turned on to this site that lets you subtitle clips to really bad foreign movies. Here is my lame first attempt...

For some reason it won't let me embed it - but check it out here.

The Puzzle Apartment

Universal Pictures just purchased the rights to an article which appeared in the New York Times last week.

Apparently, an architect hired to completely gut and redo a family's NYC apartment built a scavenger hunt into the apartment - secret messages on radiators that revealed hidden panels containing a story book written just for them. The book and tons of more clues took them on an adventure entirely in the apartment. Hidden drawers in furniture, coded message written on blinds etc.






Who has the time to do this? And can they come to my house?

Read the article here. VERY cool.

Genius is here!!!

"Genius" is finally here. Grab your copy today!

And check some more press:

- here

- here

- and here

So far the response is overwhelming positive which is a relief because the book pushes some sensitive buttons.

But as we all know, rave review don't always translate to sales so please support "Genius" and come August vote at Top Cow to make it their next ongoing monthly series.

And if you do pick it up, please drop me or Marc a line and let us know what you think.

Thanks all!

R.I.P. Stan Winston

Man, this is just getting depressing...

LOS ANGELES - Hollywood special-effects maestro Stan Winston has died at age 62.

The Oscar-winning visual effects artist died at his home Sunday evening surrounded by family after a seven-year struggle with multiple myeloma, according to a representative from Stan Winston Studio.

Winston won visual effects Oscars for 1986's "Aliens, "1992's "Terminator 2: Judgment Day" and 1993's "Jurassic Park."

Winston is survived by his wife, Karen; a son, daughter, brother and four grandchildren.

R.I.P. Tim Russert

Interview with myself and Genius artist Afua Richardson

The "Genius" press machine continues here.

More "Genius"

Another cool "Genius" interview courtesy of the fellas at "Joo-See". Thanks guys!

New Interview

All around good guy Scott Slemmons has posted a new "Genius" interview with Marc Bernardin and myself at HERO SANDWICH. Check it out.

Nunley's Handcarts

A few days ago I posted a story about working the Nunley's handcarts. Well I found a Facebook club that actually had pictures...




I hope it makes the visual of the little b*tch getting her hair caught that much better.

P.S. I the background of the first picture you can even see the barn I reference in this post.

You Can't Bury Just One...

Designer of Pringles carton buried in crisp tube
By Jon Swaine
Last Updated: 7:53PM BST 02/06/2008
The designer of the Pringles crisp tube has died – and had his remains buried in one of the containers.


The packaging was his 'proudest accomplishment'
Dr Fredric J. Baur, who was 89, had told his family to ensure his final resting place was the inside of one of his most famous creations.

They honoured his request by having his ashes buried in a Pringles tube – and a more conventional urn for the overflow – at Arlington Memorial Gardens in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Dr Baur, who was a retired chemist and food storage technician at Pringles owners Procter and Gamble, patented the design for the saddle-shaped crisp’s vertical container in 1970.

CASE IN POINT

No sooner did I post the previous blurb - "Good Luck/ Bad Luck" (see directly below) than I got a photo sent to me from a friend/staff member, Moriah.

We were shooting Tracy Tweed having a doctor's consultation and she was putting lotion on her hands.

Guess where it ended up?



Go ahead, laugh. This is what I live with everyday.

Good Luck / Bad Luck

At 37, I have grown up insistent that I have horrible luck. My dad calls it, "The Freeman Luck" which is Dr. Phil parent speak for "I am going to drill it in your head from birth that things don't go your way."

But in a rare moment of "glass half full-ness" I am starting to realize that I actually have Good BIG luck and and Bad SMALL luck.

Let me explain:

On the surface my luck is horrible: just last week...

I got a moving violation.

My entire entertainment center died.

One of the replacement pieces I bought was defective.

My brand new 2 grand computer had to have its memory wiped.

If I go to rent a movie it will not be there.

If I go to buy something at the store it is out of stock.

If by chance it is in stock the one I GET will be defective.

Almost any can of soda I pick will explode in my face.

I actually tried to do some gardening and got a mild case of poison something...you get the picture.

It has been this way my whole life, hence my defeatist Woody Allen-type vibe. But when it comes to the big stuff I guess actually have GOOD LUCK:

I have two beautiful healthy kids.

I have a great wife who loves me...most of the time.

I have a nice house.

I have a good job.

So I guess, in the big picture, I have good luck. Although it would be nice to be in a public bathroom that didn't run out of toilet paper.

R.I.P. Bo Diddley

Musician Bo Diddley dies aged 79

Diddley was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1987
Musician Bo Diddley has died at the age of 79.
The Grammy-winning singer-guitarist died of heart failure in Florida, his spokeswoman said.
He had suffered a heart attack in August 2007, three months after suffering a stroke which affected his ability to speak.
He rose to fame in 1955 when he topped the R&B charts with Bo Diddley. His other hits include Who Do You Love, Before You Accuse Me, and Mona.
The legendary singer and performer was known for his homemade square guitar, dark glasses and black hat.

"Genius" Coming Soon!

Top Cow VP and all around good guy Rob Levin had some kind things to say about "Genius" in a recent interview...

WIZARD: "Geinus" is also coming in June, by Marc Bernardin & Adam Freeman and artist Afua Richardson. Give us some background on "Genius."

ROB: Background is a good way to put it. I met Marc on (the now-defunct Warren Ellis forum) The Engine back in early 2006, and we had done a little correspondence. We met up in San Diego that year and he introduced me to his writing partner Adam and we talked about what Top Cow was looking for. They pitched me a concept I still really like, but for some reason we haven't done it. Fast forward to last February, and the New York Comic Con, where they gave me a new pitch called "Genius." My first thought was, "We must do this book." My second thought was, "Are readers ready for this book?" The latter was the only thing that prevented this from being done soo