At Least It's Not The Plague

Contrary to popular belief, I do not get sick often. Usually once a year I get a really bad cold. Of course, I act like a three year old girl when I am sick, but honestly it's not that often.

Until recently.

Many of you are wondering why I haven't posted for a while or returned phone calls for that matter. For close to two months now I have been almost totally out of commission.

It all started on the USS Nimitz when I came down with the stomach virus my daughter had. The vomiting started on the plane, through the landing and for the next 24 hours while I laid on a cold metal bunk 3 stories below the water level with the sounds of F-18's landing on my head.

I then developed a cough in Mexico which turned into 104 degree fever, bronchitis and pneumonia. I had some Mexican doctor who didn't speak english give me two shots in the ass of what I hope was medicine.

That continued through Hawaii where the cough turned into a gut wrenching, dry heaving, disgusting mess.

Once back home I went to an english speaking doctor who said everything had pretty much run it's course and it was too late to take any medicine.

Over the next three days it all went away...and then came back two fold. I called the asshole doctor and he prescribed me a Z-Pack which is doctor-talk for "I don't know what the fuck it is. Take this."

The cough got more and more violent until I had a minor attack in the Simmons-Tweed kitchen where I was sure I pulled a muscle.

Over the next 4 days that "muscle" pain got worse and worse. A stabbing in my side. I knew I didn't break a rib because, honestly, who the hells breaks a rib coughing?

Last Friday night I was shooting at the Simmons-Tweed house until midnight. On the car ride home I was in a lot of pain and thought to myself, "I am not working till the afternoon on Sunday. Maybe I should go to the clinic Sunday morning and get checked out."

Five minutes later I drove myself right to the emergency room.


Who breaks a rib coughing? Me, that's who.

Of course the KISS train never slows down, so when not working like crazy I have been trying to get rest, lying flat on my back on percocet. I leave for Australia in three weeks and I need to be healthy so I can catch whatever god awful illnesses they have down under.

So how have you been?