Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The Sad State of Organized Sports

Rampant steroid use, illegal gambling, domestic violence - with each passing day professional sports becomes a dirtier and dirier world. I am sad to report that these discretions are finding their way into amatuer sports as well.

Case in point, my 4 year old daughter, Ella, had her first intermural soccer game this past Sunday and I was disgusted at what I saw.

The Mermaids (us) vs. the Wondergirls (them). Innocent enough. That is until they took the field.

The "Wondergirls" as they are called were clearly different. A difference I can only attribute to performance enhancing drugs. Supposedly the same age, by league regulations, they were bigger and broader. Many had facial hair and protruding frontal lobes. All of my efforts to obtain one of their specially treated juice boxes proved unsuccessful. I am also pretty sure one of them was secretly a 14 year old Latin American boy. Something just didn't look right. He drove himself to the game.

As Ella was taking the field I noticed something peeking out from under her uniform. I was appalled to find out a representative from Nike offered to buy her a new bike if she wore one of their sports bras and pulled a "Mia Hamm" when she scored her first goal. Unbelievable. They didn't even go thru me or her sports agent. They went directly to her. She's just a kid.

Not to mention the gambling. I should have known something was up - Pete Rose does not have a daughter on either team. There was no logical reason for him to be there. I was there to enjoy the game. Sure I had 50 bucks on the Mermaids but that was only to make it more interesting, its not really gambling.

Clearly someone (probably the mob) got to one of the Mermaids. Nothing else could explain why she repeatedly dribbled down the field in the wrong direction and continually tried to score on her own goal. The little bitch was obviously trying to throw the game.

I guess there is no innocence left in sports regardless of the skill level.

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