Friday, January 12, 2007

What I Learned About Strippers

Some people go to work and sit in an office, some dig ditches, other build skyscrapers. I make television so I go where ever the show takes me. I have been in Las Vegas for close to a week now and I have to say, I have learned more about strippers than I ever cared to think about.

Know this - I am not a strip club guy. They gross me out, as do most strippers. Also know this - those out there who go to work and sit in an office, dig ditches and build skyscrapers are now saying, "Shut the fuck up. You got paid to hang out with strippers." So I'll stop complaining and get to the info...

1. The Palamino Club was the first strip club ever built in Las Vegas.
2. A man was shot in the back office in front of the safe.
3. Lap dances weren't invented until 1973.
4. The Palamino Club is the only ALL nude strip club in Vegas that can serve alcohol. They are also the only club that gives all nude, full contact lap dances.
5. Strippers pay clubs to strip, not the other way around. They must pay a house fee which can be anywhere between $50 - $200 depending on the club. A club like Spearmint Rhino that has over 300 girls per 8 hour shift makes over 40k before they even sell a drink.
6. Vegas isn't run by the mob. It is run by the cab drivers. They hold every hotel and casino hostage. Strip clubs currently pay a cab driver $70 for every head they deliver to their club. You and your buddy stumble drunk into a cab and say, "Where's a good strip club?" The cabby takes you to Scores and immediately collects $140. If you do not pay the cabbies they will not only not take people to your club, if anyone specifically asks to be taken to your club they will say anything from, "It burned down" to "that's a gay club. Why don't you try ________"
7. Strippers are really comfortable being naked. (Duh!). But I mean like, when they are not working. It is very distracting to have a conversation with a woman who at the drop of hat will lift up her shirt and ask, "Are my nipple even?"
8. All strippers smell like Shalamar and baby powder.
9. Every stripper has a tattoo.
10. Strippers will do anything to be near someone famous.
11. Contrary to popualr belief, there IS sex in the champagne room.

Tomorrow I graduate from strippers to porn stars. That's right. I am going to the Adult Video Awards. I can't wait to see who wins double anal penetration.

To Be Continued...


Sir Cranky said...

You did some interesting research there...I know quite a bit about the stripclub scene myself but you had a few new nuggets for me...I think it's time to become a Vegas cabdriver...sounds more profitable than being a freelance worker...I live in New York but I've met some nice strippers in Vegas...Glitter Gulch was my fave...sometimes I wish someone would un-invent lapdancing; it's just too darn expensive...nowadays I just avoid lapdancing and just watch and tip the girls onstage (no mean feat, that, in avaricious New York City)...anyway, I moan and cogitate about all this on my blog, I've been a fan of strippers for over thirty years and I've seen the good and the gross, and I'm still learning about them when I'm not watching DVDS.--Sir Cranky

marc bernardin said...

this guy is totally your new best friend.