My Own Personal Thrill

My parents have given me a lot of great things:

- A happy childhood
- Good memories
- A good education

But for however much I love them, with all due respect, they didn't exactly fill the gene pool all the way to the top. I am bald, need glasses, short, and have a genetic predisposition to being "stocky." Don't get me wrong, I would rather have these shortcomings than grow up in a house of divorce, poverty or abuse but that isn't always the first thing that goes through my (bald) head when I look in the mirror each morning.

So with that said, I take great comfort in the shortcomings of others. Namely celebs. Nothing gives me a bigger thrill than seeing a celeb in person and learning they are shorter than me. Score one for the underdog.

I measure in at a solid 5'7 1/2". Women always say men add 1" to their height when asked. Not me, that is an accurate measurement.

I am proud to present a list of celebrities I have personally met and can therefor verify that they are the same height or shorter than me:

- Arnold Schwartzeneggar. I saw him in Malibu this weekend. We stood 1 foot from each other. Same height even though every stat on the internet says he is 6'1". Nope. Maybe 5'8" tops.

- Sylvester Stallone. Same height. Maybe a 1/2" shorter.

- Tom Cruise. Shorter! 5'6" maybe?

- Bono. Shorter! 5'6".

- Dakota Fanning. 4'10". I could totally kick her ass.

- William Shatner. Same height.

- Flava Flav. Boyee!

- Mel Gibson. Same height. Suck it Mad Max.

- Matt Damon. Maybe an inch taller.

- Brad Pitt. Same. Maybe an inch taller.


I realize the above exercise is completely pointless, but if you can knock others down to build you up, what fun is it?

Coming November 12th

Clever.

A clever commercial for Diesel that my friend Tim sent me.

He Never Actually Says Anything...

The super talented Fred Armisen...

Patton Oswalt Will Kill George Lucas With A Shovel

We Won!!!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

TOP COW ANNOUNCES WINNERS OF 2008 PILOT SEASON
2008 PILOT SEASON WINNERS

Fans vote for TWILIGHT GUARDIAN and GENIUS to get their own series
LOS ANGELES, Calif., September 18, 2008 – Top Cow Productions, Inc. announced today that the winners of the 2008 Pilot Season campaign are Twilight Guardian by writer Troy Hickman and artist Reza and Genius by writers Marc Bernardin and Adam Freeman and artist Afua Richardson.

For over a month, fans went to the Top Cow website, the Pilot Season website or other sites once per day, every day, to vote for their favorite 2008 Pilot Season one-shots. Pilot Season is an annual initiative Top Cow began in 2007 that borrows its concept from the television industry: Six “pilots” are submitted for consideration to be “picked up for a season,” except instead of TV executives deciding their fates, it’s the fans! 2007’s top two vote getters, Cyblade and Velocity, will debut with new series later this year. 2008’s winners will debut with new series in 2009.

Twilight Guardian and Genius beat out Urban Myths by Jay Faerber and Jorge Molina, The Core by Jonathan Hickman and Kenneth Rocafort, Alibi by Joshua Hale Fialkov and Jeremy Haun and Lady Pendragon by Matt Hawkins and Eru.

Twilight Guardian is about an average woman with a particular kind of OCD that drives her to patrol a nine-block area in her neighborhood every night, and about the other “night people” and situations she encounters because of it. Genius asks the question, “Alexander, Hannibal, Napoleon, Patton. What if the greatest military mind of OUR generation was a 17-year-old girl who grew up on the tough streets of an urban war zone?” Both books resonated with a majority of the voters and their creators are ecstatic, excited and even surprised.

“Holey crullers! I really don’t know WHAT to say,” said Troy Hickman. “I feel like I did once at a convention years ago when I somehow wound up on an elevator with Mr. Curt Swan, and I remember thinking, ‘Something’s gone terribly wrong. They’ve accidentally let me on the IMPORTANT elevator!’ The creative teams on the other Pilot Season comics are just terrific, some of the most talented people working in this, or any, medium, and I feel so proud to even be included in this competition. And big congrats to Genius for winning the other spot!”

“I’m shocked, really,” said Adam Freeman. “Genius is not a traditional comic and I suppose that is one of its greatest assets as well as its biggest obstacle. We weren’t sure how readers would react but we knew it was a story we were passionate about. Kudos to Top Cow for being the only publisher willing to take that risk with us. Someone wiser than me once said, ‘Never underestimate your audience’ and, truth be told, we did a little on this one. We didn’t think people would ‘get it’ but apparently they did.”

“Hell, I’m just thrilled to have won something,” added Marc Bernardin. “Seriously though, it’s like Adam said: We knew Genius was an uphill battle, but every now and then, those uphill battles get WON.”

“I blew my voice squealing like a happy pig for a half hour and came up with at least five victory dances,” exclaimed Afua Richardson when she found out Genius was one of the winning titles. “I feel like I won one for all the oddballs out there—all the artists left of center, for the chicks who fight stigmas in comics, all of them!”

Now that the winners have been declared, the creative teams will work with Top Cow’s editorial department to start planning out their series, which will debut in 2009.

“Issue #1 of Genius sparked a few pretty heated debates in some circles but that was only the first act to a much larger story,” explained Freeman. “There is a lot more to tell. I am very curious how the future issues will be received because, trust me, this book is not going where you think it is.

“We’re going to dip a bit into Destiny’s back-story and the forces that combined to make her the woman she is today,” teased Bernardin. “And we’re going to show just how bloody revolution can be.”

“I look forward to a) seeing what happens next; b) getting the chance to work with Marc and Adam again; and c) really getting a chance to show my stuff,” asserted Richardson. “I just really want put my best foot forward on this.”

“Well, now comes the fun part: making comic books,” conveyed Hickman. “Let’s see if we can take Twilight Guardian where comics haven’t gone before. I don’t want to give anything away, but I promise you there will be comedy, and drama, and plenty of the unexpected. Maybe she’s a Skrull…”

“Everyone here at Top Cow wants to wish a hearty congratulations to the teams on Twilight Guardian and Genius for a hard-won victory in this year's Pilot Season,” proclaimed Top Cow Publisher Filip Sablik. “It was an incredibly close race across the board and these two teams campaigned hard for the fans' votes. The fans have spoken and we've already got the wheels in motion to give them more of what they want!”

Why?

My youngest daughter Sadie has taken to asking, "why?" after ever statement.

"You need to go to bed."
"Why?"
"Because it's nightime."
"Why?"

I could go on, but Louis CK said it much better. The whole clip is hilarious, but the bit relevant to my situation starts around 7:44.

My Little Cheerleader

My Sister Sent Me This And I Thought It Was Kinda Funny

R.I.P. Pink Floyd's Richard Wright

I guess he's gone on to the "Great Gig In The Sky."

We've All Had Shitty Roommates

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Who's In?

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die

A Classic, But Still Funny

Run Forrest, Run!

Each morning I drive through Topanga Canyon to the Pacific Coast Highway to get to work. For the uninitiated, Topanga is a winding road cutting through the Santa Monica Mountains. At the top is a little community still trapped in the 60's. Quaint (read: small) cabins and houses, arts & crafts shops, some theater troupes etc. Not my thing, but the residents love it so power to 'em.

Each morning as I come down the last stretch of the canyon I can see the Pacific Ocean waiting for me. Also waiting for me is this guy:


Every morning I see a man looking just like Forrest here, running. A dirty, filthy man...just...running. He is wearing jeans, one of those Grateful Dead style hoodie things and sandals. Don't know where he is running to or where from. He is always emerging from the canyon forrest like Big Foot or something.

If I had an ounce more humanity I would stop and ask what's up.

A Message From "Arkansas Take Action"

Brent Peterson from "Arkansas Take Action" wrote in response to yesterday's post regarding the West Memphis Three:

"Thanks for bringing light to this important cause. The new hearings may begin Monday, September 8. We don't know yet because the same freak judge from the '94 trials will preside again. He likes to throw his weight around in an attempt to keep the defense off guard until the last second. Actually Arkansas supporters hope he rules to not allow any new evidence heard so we can move to federal court in Little Rock sooner where we'll get a fair shake. The crew at www.wm3.org can be expected to keep daily updates posted if the hearings go forward. You can go to our site to make tax free donations for the defense fund: www.freewestmemphis3.org. Thanks again!"

Worthy Cause

I am not much for causes. I have a few personal ones I champion but I am not exactly the flag waiving/soapbox type of a person.

But there is one cause that I have been following for well over 10 years and I think it deserves your attention.

In 1993, three young boys were brutally murdered in the Robin Hood Hills area of West Memphis, Arkansas.

Shortly after, three West Memphis teenagers were tried and convicted for these crimes: Damien Echols (death), Jason Baldwin (life) and Jesse Misskelley (life) despite entirely circumstantial evidence and a coerced confession from Misskelley.

- No DNA.
- No blood of the defendants found at the scene.
- No blood of the victims found anywhere near or on the defendants.
- No eye witnesses.
- The murder weapon matched that of a knife belonging to one of the boy's stepfathers and it DID have his stepson's blood on it.
- All the defendants had alibis.
- A blood covered homeless man was seen at a nearby Bojangles restaurant at the exact time of death.

And the confession? Questioned for over 8 hours, Misskelley - who is borderline retarded, was only recorded at the tail end of his confession. Many "facts" he gave were incorrect such as time of day, the way the victims were bound and with what materials (he said rope when it was in fact it was their shoelaces) etc. His confession shows classic signs of a boy with limited intelligence intimidated over several hours to the point where he would say anything to get out of that room.

How can this happen? In a small, backwoods, God fearing town of dare I say, rednecks, Damien, Jason and Jesse were the "freaks." They wore black. They listened to Metallica. They had long hair. They weren't like the others. When the bodies were found someone said, "It looks like a Satanic ritual." Well if it is (never proven) than it must be those "Satan worshipping bastards" that listen to Metallica and wear black.

The list of injustices goes on and on and has been documented in two excellent films:





You can also read the Wikipedia article that functions as user friendly "Cliff's Notes" version of the events.

Since 1993, these boys (now men) have been rotting away in jail. Are they asking to be set free? No. They are asking for a retrial using today's science to over turn their convictions. In addition to my mini-list above their have been sworn statements made in regards to jury tampering and a thousand other mistrial worthy offenses. Before her death, one of the slain boy's mothers even admitted she didn't think they did it.

This case scares the shit out of me. Why? Well, for one I was one of those "freaks." I caught enough shit and beatings in suburban Long Island. I cannot imagine what my life would have been like in rural Arkansas. I wore black and listened to Metallica and all sorts of "devil music." I read Anton LeFey's "Satanic Bible" because I loved horror films and thought it made me "deep." Pseudo-deep and pretentious - yes. A killer? No.

It also scares me because I am still naive enough to think, "They can't put you away for a crime you didn't commit! How can they prove you did it?" Well, apparently they don't need to prove it.

The teen aged Damien, Jesse and Jason are far from perfect. Damien especially is arrogant and narcissistic. Mainly because, like so many youth do, he thought he was invincible and shared my naivete, believing he could never be put away for something he didn't do. That's not how America works.

Regardless of your opinion and my rantings I strongly suggest you buy or rent these two films (the second one is the better one, I feel, because it really outlines all of the absurdity). You can also find clips on YouTube. If nothing else you will be completely enthralled. It is like the very best Dateline or 20/20 piece but on crack.

You can also check out their website here.

They have been in jail for over 5,500 days. You can spare an hour of your time.

"East Bound and Down"

R.I.P. Snowman