It's a Long Road to the Middle

I had another interesting experience last night. I know for a fact it happens every day in Hollywood but I never experienced it personally before.

I am a very small fish in a very, very large pond. Hollywood. I am on my way up.

I never thought of all the people I would pass as they were on their way down.

My company is in the beginning stages of partnering with a comedy club to do a t.v. show. Last night the owner called David and me and said, "I also represent "Comic X." He is coming into the club tonight, we should sit and talk." I won't say who Comic X is, but you all know him. He was never Eddie Murphy or Sam Kinison, but he was very well known - Johnny Carson, Jay, Letterman, several movies that run on a loop on TBS. I have always been a fan. We took the meeting.

The minute we sat down Comic X went into his pitch - an idea for a show he had and wanted us to produce. He pitched his heart out, like his life depended on it, like his kids would be taken from him if he didn't sell this show. In short, he pitched like David and I do.

Why? This guy was a star. He did movies, HBO specials - why does he need US so bad.

We are on our way up the ladder and passing him on his way down. He is not going to get a meeting with Speilberg or David E. Kelly. He's had a bad run. Who in their right mind would take his call? You're lookin' at 'em.

Now, that wasn't really the part that freaked me out because to be honest, it fed our ego. All of us would like to think we are bigger than we are so we all sat around pretty impressed with ourselves.

But as the conversation went on Comic X's tone changed. He went from being "on," to being self-depricating, self-depricating turned to bitterness, which turned to sadness, which turned to jealousy and desperation.

"_______ has a show. Even ______ has their own show - I discovered both of them. _______ is a good comedian, I respect him, but he knows I would blow him off the stage...it's just not right that I don't have my own show. All I need is a shot, one shot. If you guys will do this with me, I promise I will work hard, I will make myself available 24/7..."

My mind wandered. Yesterday it was almost getting killed with T.V.'s Robin the Boy Wonder, today it is a guy I grew up watching begging ME to take a chance on him.

Somewhere out there is a fetus. And that fetus will grow up to be successful. On that road to success he will meet a man - a once successful man who has fallen on hard times and just needs one more chance to get back in the game.

I hope to fucking Christ I am not that man.

Holy Car Accident Batman!

When you are too close to anything you lose the ability to view it objectively. Yesterday I was reminded of exactly how fun and surreal my job is.

I am not easily star struck. Due to the sheer volume of projects and the dozen+ years I have been in the business I have met tons of celebrities. Not to drop names, but I will: Tom Cruise, Madonna, U2, Michael Jackson, Keanu Reeves, Halle Berry, Reese Witherspoon - the list is endless. Because I have met so many, and because 80% of them are assholes, it is not the favorite part of my job. A matter of fact, if I can get away with NOT meeting the talent I am working with, I will.

Ironically, the few times I have gotten really excited is when I meet the less famous people. Pop culture icons from my childhood. Look to the right - I got more excited the day I met Mr. T than the day I met Russell Crowe. Mark Hamill, Anthony Daniels (C-3P0), Stan Lee, David Hassellhoff, Gene Simmons. I always imagine me sitting in front of the T.V. at 7 or 8 and someone trying to explain to me, "When you grow up you are going to direct BA Barracus in a TV show," or "One day you will watch a FOURTH Star Wars film sitting next to George Lucas." Pretty fucking cool.

And every once in a while I have some very interesting experiences with these celebs. Most are stories for another time - like the TWO times I saw Jewel naked, or when I pulled a drowning Thom Yorke out of a pool, or going snowboarding with Ryan Phillipe). Yesterday was one of those days...

I am doing a comedy show for E! called "The Chelsea Handler Show." She is a really funny, smart, obnoxious comic who you may recognize from years on Oxygen's "Girls Behaving Badly." In this particular segment Chelsea decides to enlist her girlhood crush, Burt Ward - TV's Robin - to help her give one of the pathetic, homeless "Robins" that hang out in front of Mann's Chinese a make-over. For those that don't know, dozens of bizarre freaks in costumes loiter on Hollywood Blvd and take pictures with tourists in hopes they will get tipped a buck or so. On any given day you will see Spiderman, Homer Simpson, "Johnny Depp" from Edward Scissorhands, Pirates of the Caribbean AND Willy Wonka all at the same time, Darth Vader etc. But all that is irrelevant...

At one point me, Burt Ward, Chelsea, our homeless Robin and a P.A. were driving in a rented minivan from one location to the next. Burt was regaling us with tales of his many accomplishments (training dogs, member of MENSA, inventor of extra hydrogenated water, owner of a SFX house, Bruce Lee's sparring partner etc.) It was pouring rain and we were on the 101 doing about 50mph in the right lane.

A Jaguar passed us in the middle lane doing about 70. He swerved from his lane into ours acting all NASCAR and shit when suddenly - he hydroplaned and went into full 360 spins just a few feet in front of us. He spun around once, twice...six times! He swerved closer to us while he was spinning then spun three times in the opposite direction, just missing us, and slamming into a pick-up truck in the middle lane next to us. The pick-up sent him flying into the left lane where another car hit him from behind.

The whole thing took about 5 seconds and the cliche was totally true - everything happened in slow motion. It was completely surreal. I instantly thought of that Jerry Seinfeld routine where he talks about sitting in the back of a cab and looks out the windshield completely detached - as if he was watching it all on T.V. "Man, that looked dangerous!"

The best part was how Burt sprung into action - sitting in the passenger seat (where Robin always sat) he immediately put his hand on our driver's shoulder and (while the car was spinning towards us) kept repeating "Cool heads prevail, that's it, that's it. Cool heads prevail!" All he had to do was yell, "Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed" and I would have wet myself.

Of course, while this was happening I was seeing the newspapers:

"World mourns television's Burt Ward - killed in auto accident...(with 4 unidentified individuals).

I thought, "Fuck, if I am going to die in a car with Robin let it at least be at the hands of the Joker or the Riddler or something - not some guido in a Jaguar. Man, I can't ever get a brake."

What's New...

I am have finally climbed out from under my rock so I thought I would give everyone who is asking one big blanket update.

David and I finished our pilot for MTV (finally) and it has been reviewed by the powers that be. Allegedly the response was very strong. A huge thanks to Drew Lavey and Kenn Kashima (producer & editor respectively) who once again went above and beyond the call of duty and produced a show we are really proud of.

The second show idea David and I sold to MTV is going into development this week. Hopefully that will make it to the pilot stage as well.

David and I have been hired as "consultants" on the first television show to be produced by My Space.com. It is a music performance show called "The List" and the first episode will feature the band "Taking Back Sunday."

We have tons of other stuff in the works. Nothing to confirm right now but hopefully a partnership with a major magazine for a reality/game show and another show featurinf one of the biggest brands in the stand-up comedy world.

On the scripted front, the comic book Marc and I wrote for AiT/Planet Lar will hopefully be published in the fall. The illustrator Robert Atkins is drawing it now. This can't happen soon enough. We never realized how long the lead time is for illustrated work. Also in the comic world - nothing confirmed - but we have a pretty good shot at writing 9 comics over the next year for a MAJOR comics company. Can't say too much, but I'll give you a hint: one of the characters we would write for was a very popular Underoo AND uses a cave as his base of operations.

Marc and I also just finished the first draft of a spec television pilot called "Bad Medicine" that hopefully CAA and/or Circle of Confusion will be selling in the next few months. We are also 1/2 way through the first draft of an original screenplay. Hopefully that will be done in the next 2 months.

As if all that won't keep me busy enough - MTV's Wild n' Out with Nick Cannon has been picked up for a third season and is going into production as we speak and I am also producing a comedy show for E! featuring a comedian named Chelsea Handler who is very funny, very cool and kinda...well...hot.

I don't know, but despite all this I have been managing to get home at a decent hour. I have actually had a few meals with my family - go figure. Ella is doing great and Sadie is on the verge of sleeping for...drumroll....6 hours in a row.

And Krissy got a new car...so life is good.

What's new with you?

They've Probably Forgotten Who I Am...

We are in our final audio mix. I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel...

The Shiznit.

Well, after just 4 of our 10 episodes aired - "Wild n' Out" as been officially greenlit for a Season Three!

I am also producing a new show for E! called, "The Chelsea Handler Show" - details to follow...

Set your TiVos.